IN CASE YOU DON’T KNOW ROAD SIDE MEDICINE IS SLOW POISON!

They are either found inside buses or seen moving their cars slowly on busy roads. Their trademark speaker is balanced on top of their cars blaring jingles advertising their all purpose medicine. KOJO HERBAL MIXTURE, ERO GBOGBO NISE, CURE ALL HERBALS, EVE HERBS, SARAMERA WONDER OINTMENT. Their pre recorded jingle chants from time to time. A jamboree of catchy meaningless phrases laced with lewd remarks.

‘Buy your Kojo herbal mixture

For menstrual pain
For waist pain wey no make you knack your woman very well.
White white wey dey stain woman paent
Weak erection wey no make you tanda well well.
For tapeworm, hookworm every type of worm
Infertility
Water water sperm
For malaria, headache, stomach ache, fever
To flush your system off all the chaw wey you don chaw for party for the weekend.

Just take it with hot pap and you will thank God.’

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? How is a drug meant to cure low sperm count fit for a woman with irregular menstrual cycle? How does a drug meant to cure yeast infection the same drug that kills tapeworm and every type of worms? Why will a drug meant to relieve waist pain be the same drug we take to cure infertility? Have we ever given that any thought?

Think about it

Only one ointment is meant to relieve you of headache, leg pain, sores, wounds, itchy body, boils, blurry eye and cattarh. This same ointment is meant to be slathered on your head for headache cure but it has menthol and we all know how menthol is yeah?

These medicine peddlers will drive their cars up and down the streets in Ilorin and I will see mothers with sick children strapped to their backs, young ladies with a case of itchy itchy downbelow, irregular periods, men who are hoping to impress their lovers in bed, grandpas and grandmas with waist problems all rushing for the vehicle where the many wonders of the drug is getting advertised. People will line up to buy the shoddy mixture meant to bring an end to their health woes. You will hear snatches of conversations on how it should be taken with hot pap by the drug peddlers.

People will ingest powders mixed in someone’s dirty backyard or stinking room. Placebo effect at times work and makes them believe the drug cured them then they turn advocates of the wonder medicine. The placebo effect is when people with health problems are given an ordinary thing to ingest and their brain deceives them and make them think they are well. Then they swear with heaven and earth that it works and argue with you. They give excuses as to why yours isn’t working. They tell you have been doing it all wrong. Instead of two tablespoons it ought to be your tablespoons full taken with hot watery pap instead of the thick one you have been taking it with. You nod and agree and you begin to ingest the mixture in a greater quantity. Placebo effect may make you think it worked or you may feel no changes but either way what about your liver?

Liver failure arise often from all the powders, liquids people swallow in the name of drugs. Drugs that doesn’t have a dosage. You just freestyle it and chug it down according to the size of your health problem.

Swollen eyeball = 1 teaspoon
Headache = 3 teaspoons
Backpain = 1 tablespoon
Irregular menstrual cycle = 5 tablespoon taken with lime and hot pap with aboniki balm
Yansh craw craw = the entire bottle with dettol and izal poured into water and used to wash the yansh.

What are we on about? A trip to the doctor isn’t much of a task. We even have trained doctors who specialize in herbal medicine why don’t people go to them? Why do we patronize roadside drug vendors who managed to con their way through getting a NAFDAC registration number? Why do we believe one powder, liquid, ointment will solve every health problem?

And let’s not say illiteracy is what makes people patronize this roadside drug sellers. Learned people patronize them too and a close relative have bought one of this drugs to flush yamayama out of her system. This aunty legit shat her life out for almost a week, she became dehydrated and was checked into the hospital within the blink of an eye. She said she bought the drug because it makes you lose weight too. She sure lost some weight from all the pooping.

So dear people. Let’s stay woke. We should love ourselves and our health enough not to buy all these dubious drugs. The problems it causes at times surpass the one it is meant to cure. Let’s stop looking for easy way out of every health problem. No drug cures all people.

Have you had any experience with roadside medicine vendors? What do you think can be done to reduce or curb it?