CHRONICLE OF A DESPERATE CHIC!

On my way to school on Friday, I had a tough time getting a taxi from challenge to Tanke, I wanted to attend my friend’s Iftar-birthday party. I was pissed when the taxi that stopped for me was boarded by some guys who appeared from nowhere. Vexing and hissing, I moved farther down and continued hailing taxis, I noticed one very yellow uncle lai dat, he was also hailing taxis and calling Tanke as well but I wasn’t bothered with him. I continued flagging down taxis that swerve immediately I say Tanke. Eventually, I got a taxi, the same taxi with him. He opened the door for me to take my seat first, I entered and focused on my phone – as usual. I still wasn’t bothered.

“Where are you people going to at Tanke because me I am stopping at Tipper garage o” the taxi man asked fuming. I wondered what bit him.

In the sweetest calmest voice I have ever heard, boda yellow replied “when we get there we would let you know, please keep calm”

I could not help steering my neck towards him, dude is faaaaahn! He looks like an exotic mix of Arab/Igbo. He reminds me so much of Obinna Ojukwu, one yellow pawpaw whom I was fond of in primary school and at the same time he bore a striking resemblance to those cute loaded Arab boys. Very poised and oozing silent confidence, I smiled at him and focused on my phone as I used my side eyes to check him out.

“So, do you know Greenland please?” he asked in that amazing voice of his.

Wait what did he ask me again?

“yeah, no, wait, Greencity or Greenland?” I batted my eyelids in preparation to flirt, I had totally forgotten it was Ramadan.

“She said Greenland not Greencity”

My stomach sank, so there is even a she? Abi he is going to break his fast there?

I quickly dialed my friend’s number, I must be nice. I have to be nice, I shall be nice.

“Hello, do you know where Greenland is around Tanke?”

“What is Greenland?”

Almost swearing, I hung up and smiled sheepishly, “my friend doesn’t know where it is, but maybe you should call the person again”

Taxi man who was bent on ruining every thing grumbled “Oya we are at Tipper garage o, come down”

“Haba, Baba, take it easy, life is easy now” he crooned.

“What do you mean! Please please I told you I am not passing Tipper garage, if you people won’t pay me, get down and don’t pay, God will judge you!”.

“What is wrong with him?” he raised one well shaped brow, something Hameeda spend hours trying to do for me because I wouldn’t shave my brows.

“It is recession that is dealing with him, it’s not his fault he is aggressive” I added feeling smart.

* alter ego * you are too agreeable, at least play hard to get small.

“Oh” he laughed, it was as if some angels are making music in heaven, oh my God, I was floating. His lips, his eyes, his nose, his….

“Why won’t we pay?” he said as he stopped laughing “We are rational beings now, haba” he held two hundred naira note at the taxi man “take, the two of us”

“Oh, thank you very much” I was already dreaming of our date nights and the two of us chasing each other around a beautiful park filled with sweet smelling flowers.

We got down from the taxi and he hailed another taxi for the two of us.

“So, I just received a text that I should drop at Ajanaku, where are you going at Tanke?”

“Oh, Em Ef Em” I sweetly said, making sure my H factor doesn’t interfere with the (e) and turn it into H-em H-ef H-em, Issa impression thing!

“You stay at Tanke?” he raised one of those well curved brows again.
“God forbid, no!” I said laughing like a female jackal, “I stay in school”

“Me too” he nodded

I was already seeing us holding hands and strolling senselessly from the park to the skyway and then back.

“Which department and level are you?”

Oh my God, yes yes! “English, 400, you?”

“Agric, 200, wow you’d soon be done, that’s nice. What is your name?”

In a flirty way “you can’t pronounce it o”

“Come on, tell me”
I cackled like a chicken that just collided with a sack of corn “Okaaaaaaaaay, kikikikikiki, Kaothar, kikikikikiki”

“Ka-what?”
I cackled like a fowl “kwawakwawkwa, Kaothar, I told you, you can’t pronounce it”

* alter ego waves frantically * abort mission abort mission you sound like a fool already!

“Kaothar, I can. I was just pulling your legs, I am Ayatollah by the way, I bet you can’t pronounce it too”

“Ayatollah” it tastes like date and coconut on my tongue. Heaven.

“Baba, I will come down soon” he told the taxi driver, I became expectant and held my phone higher than I did as the taxi slowed down. The taxi stopped and he paid for the two of us again.

“Okay Kaothar, nice meeting ya…” then he broke my heart “bye!” and threw the pieces into a cold cold river, he closed the door without a backward glance!
I almost jumped after him so he could collect my number, I have a feeling he forgot. We had a bond, deep astral connection. He forgot. He totally forgot. I just wanted to tell him I’m grateful nah?

* alter ego pours water on me* G. E. T Y. O. U. R. S. E. L. F O. U. T. O. F. T. H. A. T. D. E. S. P. E. R. A. T. E. Z. O. N. E. I. D. I. O. T!

And that was how I missed my future boo.
* * * *
Today, I and a coursemate boarded the same taxi, we were chatty till he dropped at Oke-odo, he paid my transport fare as well and as he got down from the taxi, I didn’t feel like running after him. No, I sat down there with a glum look on my face remembering my Ayatollah.

* alter ego screams* you are still on about that!

ME: No, I was just kidding!

One thought on “CHRONICLE OF A DESPERATE CHIC!

  1. Hameedah June 25, 2017 at 10:02 pm

    😂 this cracked me up
    Keep up the good work hun 😘

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