Imagine this scenario, you have a friend a very good friend, you guys are cool together. Then an idea struck you “Friend, I think I am good with my hands, I want to start honing my painting skills, I want to become really successful with it” but your friend only shrugged and said people who paint die poor, miserable and they are often lonely castigated braggarts who live in smelly houses. Your friend waves aside your idea and you felt hollow but you overcame it and you guys continued with whatever you were doing. But the idea continues to haunt you, you can’t sleep without turning it over in your mind, every little thing is a beauty to you and you imagine yourself painting it. Then you summoned up courage and began to paint anyway, you didn’t tell your friend, your friend eventually saw one of your paintings the one you wanted to show him/her. You expected your friend to be mesmerized by it as everybody was, but your friend screwed up his/her nose and flung the painting casually in a corner saying it doesn’t make any sense and looks like a muddle of colours on paper. After a while, you bump into your friend clutching a piece of paper, when you managed to take a peep at what is in it, you saw a beautiful painting an exact replica of yours that was tossed away by your friend.
How would you feel? Most of us have found ourselves in that kind of situation before, of course we would feel crushed that it may be hard for us to pick the pieces and fix ourselves back. It will make us doubt our abilities and even stop doing whatever it is that brings us joy for a while just because someone made us think otherwise.
However, the problem is not with us, it is with people often friends, family, partners or colleagues at work who feel threatened when we think out of the box, when we showcase our abilities, when we excel at what we do better than them, who refuse to support us, who uses words or actions to bring down our self-esteem, who refuse to provide what will make us better than we are because they are scared of what we would become!. They are people with Crab Mentality who are stuck in worse situation than we are and pulls us down when we try to find a torch to light the way out the darkness that engulfs us all. Like crabs in a basin, the rest at bottom pull the one that tries to get out the basin down and every one of them find themselves at the bottom of the bucket. People with Crab mentality don’t ever want another to succeed, they find a way to block the success even it would help in making their own lives better. Pathetic you say? I think so too.
This crap mentality, sorry crab mentality has eaten deep into the society and affects us. The major reason why some rich people keep getting richer is because they lift their families up, they support the one that is into Business, they help the one that bakes, they provide equipment and cash for the one that knows how to sew. With time one becomes a magnate, another becomes the owner of bakeries, another becomes a fashion authority. When these ones help other members of the family too, the wealth continue to spread and it eventually get cemented. No matter what life swings at them financially, they would always be able to wriggle their way out.
HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THEM?
IGNORE – Ignore their antics, know they are just trying to get to you and wound your belief in your abilities. Walk away from their bitter criticisms of your talent and shut your ears to their insults.
SECRECY – Work in secret, do what pleases you where they can’t find you, never ever tell them of your plans, don’t let them dissuade you in your most vulnerable stage, you would work better and feel better about yourself If they are not there to discourage you. Let your hard work be in secret and let your success spread the news.
SURROUND YOURSELF WITH PEOPLE WHO CARES FOR YOU – Be with people who gives you moral support and inspires you. Ditch that friend, family, colleague for those people. Listen and learn from them when you interact with like minds people your confidence will grow and it will be harder for those psychological bullies to get to you.
ACCEPT THERE WOULD ALWAYS BE DETRACTORS – You just have to accept this when you do, their activities wouldn’t get to you. In fact I cope with people who try to make me feel bad about myself by shutting them up before they finish or laughing hysterically into their faces. “oh, you think the jewelry I designed is tacky? Oh my God thank you so much. I love you” they would expect you to strike back, yes you should but not in a way that you would make a fool put of yourself for their satisfaction. The joke is on them so you laugh at them.
People with crab mentality will always be at the losing end they would continue to be miserable until they realize that crab mentality is not profitable till then they would derive joy from milking people of their self-esteem. Don’t let them get to you.
Have a lovely weekend.