Sisters! Why have you decided to turn yourselves into the Joker’s long lost sibling even though your brows ain’t smiling? With magical potions like concealers, foundations, glitters and your wands – the brushes you use to apply the makeup, you can perform a transfiguration spell that would give Professor McGonagall a run for her money.
Sisters why are some of us the enemies of our faces? Why don’t we ever let our faces breath? I have seen ladies with heavy makeup and simple outfits at the stockfish market and I watched in amusement as they tug, curse, sweat and struggle among the throngs of people that mile around the place. The thick layer of foundation which slide down to their neck as they clamp their polythene bags to their chest while they struggle out of the market. I once saw an acquaintance looking sickly, I stopped what I was doing to express my concern over her disheveled and unhealthy look, to my surprise she told me she was perfectly okay. ‘Oh! It’s probably because I am not putting on makeup, two people have told me the same already’ she chuckled.
Sisters, we keep complaining about how our boyfriends are no longer romantic. How they don’t give us beautiful out of the blues angelic kisses on the forehead. Playful pecks on the cheeks and passionate quick kisses on the lips. Haha, aunty? Why are you wicked? You want somebody’s son to use his lips to wipe that expensive mud off your face? Fear God o.
This makeup hullabaloo led to the breakup of somebody who knew somebody who is friends with somebody that I know. It was said that the brother had gone to pay his babe a surprise visit at her PPA, she was a corper then, the babe on seeing him jumped at him and hugged him tightly. Sweet huhn? Not! Because the lady was plastered in makeup which she smeared on his expensive white chet (shirt)! The brother was furious and that led to the relationship going kaput.
‘Slay queen, did you know she wakes up as early as 3am to start applying her makeup after bathing before the soldiers start their wahala when we were in camp?’ The somebody added
Most of us can’t do without this slimy facial torture that we wear it to bed when we visit bae. Little wonder some marriages pack up after few weeks due to real face and unreal face brouhaha. Why do you think the grooms you awwn at during weddings cry and their brides have a face that doesn’t look like it would give way to some wet emotions? It is because the brother is thinking of what could be lying beneath the flawless face as she walk down the aisle while a sister gotta keep the face dry cus the makeup runs into hundreds of thousands of naira.
Just imagine what would happen if Buhari declares a makeup free day in Nigeria. News of suicides, heart attacks and general mayhem at different parts of the country would fill the newspapers. Imagine a scenario between a boss used to his employee’s made up face.
‘Miss, maybe you are at the wrong place, I repeat you are not Kemi Junaid, the lady who works for me is light in complexion.’
‘But sir, we both closed the account of the Garba company before I left for my house on Friday and I could remember Mr O.T called you to book an appointment for…’
‘It is you oooo. What happened to your face? Gas explosion? Oh dear’
‘Not sir, it’s just… The… You know sir… ‘
‘Ha! Buhari’s makeup free day? I don’t even understand this government again. The files I want you to… Hold on please let me pick this call.’
‘Hello Ay’ the voice from the other end croaked, ‘A strange woman is here in my house and she said she is my wife.’
‘Hahaha, have you forgotten what today is? Hahaha, I leave you to find out. Please don’t call me after.’
That was how one of my Uncle’s wife earned the nickname Mother Gagool the day he came with her to my little cousin’s birthday. The colour block thing was the rave then and she was dressed in a bright pink gown, blue bag, yellow shoes, a blonde afro wig and a heavily made up face – a brow faced Abuja while the other defiantly faced Bayelsa, her screaming red lipstick completed the look. Oh boy, we all started laughing when we saw her. As she ballooned from one side of the compound to the other the kids playing burst into laughter. Perhaps they thought she was the clown that had came to entertain them.
Dearest sisters, I am not saying makeup is bad. I never said you shouldn’t wear makeup but we should be moderate in everything we do. Too much application of makeup ruins our skin and make us age faster than we should. Half a word…