EXAMINATION TRAUMA: THE BAD, THE SILLY AND THE HOPELESS.

Examination is the act of feverishly reading notes that had been piled up for the past months in two weeks and writing everything you have learnt within two hours. Examination can be traumatic, the fear of the letter F is the beginning of wisdom.

I have discovered Examination is the only thing that can tame the average Nigerian student. Nothing humbles a student better than Examination, it is during this period that you see the erstwhile proud students furtively begging the Efficos of the class to summarize a concept for them. This is when you see the big boys and girls in class hanging on to every word said by the Effico who is often one uncool, unsociable nerd who doesn’t know Mariah Carey wasn’t the one who married Kanye West. They don’t even bother. This is the period where class structures and divisions don’t matter, where you have to dump your Cool Badt Guy or Girl attitude at the door and plead to the uncool one to please explain number one so you could put something down.

Examination period can turn students into supernatural heroes, that is when you see the ones who do not joke with sleep reading all night long. Where students stay awake till morning to write exams late into the evening without battling an eyelid. Students are often scared to sleep lest they wake up hours after their papers so they keep chugging coffee, kolanuts get chewed till their teeth protest with blackish-brown specks.

It can also turn friends into sworn enemies when a friend refuses to help another friend to his or her own detriment. There are some that sit for their examination with the “fear” of God and would never help you in cheating even if you needed their help to recall what letter begins the word “Community” and you were doubting whether it is K or C or CH. They would rather you fail than utter the letter C.

And there are those that hoard materials and thesis. They would never share it with anybody and as you watch them scribble furiously away, you wondered whether your parents haven’t squandered their money in sending you to school.

This is when people dump their fashion sense at home and come to the examination venue in something that is fit for an asylum,their hair won’t be combed and some would bring the rough hair to the examination venue looking like an eccentric going bananas. When ladies who cannot do without flawless makeup come to the exam hall bare faced and you have to do a double take because you couldn’t recognize the face the first time.

This is the occasion where overzealous security men harass students and exercise their oppressive powers. They hold sway and derive pleasure from tormenting students for haphazardly buttoned shirt or cap balanced on the head in a lopsided manner. They are often drunk on their powers till the last paper is written.

This is the period when some enter the hall with absolutely nothing in the head but hope and trust in the Lord. They are the ones that look around in class and scratch their neck from time to time as sweat ooze out of their unwashed armpits. They spend hours in class and library but they are not the types that assimilate under pressure, left with no choice they drag themselves to the exam hall, banking on hope to express their answers for them on the sheets of paper. Some would even go as far as pleading to the examiner to temper justice with mercy while the sharp ones will slot in money and put themselves in worst situation. Or get lucky if the lecturer happens to be the type that sees no big deal in giving students the As and Bs they did not work for in as much as they pay for imaginary handouts and tender the backhand.

Examination is like the judgement arena, where unprepared people get punished with lack of knowledge of what is required or isn’t, the judgement could be unfair at times because some actually studied but couldn’t see what they studied among the questions asked, which is why a guy suggested on Twitter that there ought to be a space where you write what you read if you can not answer the questions asked just to show you read. The prepared, lucky and wise ones come out of the hall smiling in their heads. As their colleagues gather to do the futile task of going over questions, they wordlessly leave the venue and refuse to engage in battle of the brains discussion.

The factory settings of a student’s brain can restart over and over again when they get to the venue late.

Getting caught with chips to cheat is the worst thing that can befall a student during an examination, it is better to use the student scope of asking around or just do the little you can. You may be surprised you will pass excellently, try to read to the best of your knowledge and leave the rest to God. The humiliation that comes from cheating is two, one your coursemates see you as useless and lazy. Two, the school authorities think of you as a unserious student who doesn’t attend classes or study. It is not worth it.

With all said and done, here is a prayer for the Unilorin student. May there always be koropes during the morning exams, I cast and bind every spirit of traffic jam when you have the 12pm examination. You will not be found wanting when it is 3pm due to the quick nap you decided to take around 1pm. Every spirit following you from Tanke, Lagos Hostel, Park shall die by fire in God’s mighty name.

I wish all the students of Better by Far University success in their exams.

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