HOW NOT TO BE RATCHET: A GIRL’S GUIDE TO BEING FRIENDS WITH COOL PEEPS.

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WARNING – You might end up losing yourself, are you still interested?

Some of us get carried away with people’s command of fashion and social graces that we cover our eyes with nylon and vehemently refuse to see their bad side(s).

Most times girls happen to have other girls or a girl they admire and wish to be like (I do not approve of this) or be friends with, I support this only if you want to be friends to jack off some swags or to make yourself better in ways you think they could be of help.

So how do you go about being their friend without making it obvious? Because I know you, yes you, the fact that you are not their friend would make you think you hate them, hate that is not enough for you to push them into an ocean roaring of different types of wild sea animals but hate that is strong enough for you to beef them at any slightest opportunity, make faults out of their actions and talk trash about them at any opportunity (ok, maybe not every time).

There are ways you can crack your way into cool girls heart without hurting yourself, without making you look desperate or cheap, you know you don’t want them to think you are a kiss ass but you really are, you are just being smart about it. This is the KANZAH’S GUIDE TO BEING WITH COOL CHICS (KATBWICCH) LOL

RULE NUMBER 1- Investigate, know about their personal life( I am not talking about their underwear preferences or whether they like tampons or sanitary pad) I am talking about their social life, what makes them tick? where do they hang out at? What kind of movies do they watch? How often do they follow pop culture? You really have to be smart about this so you don’t end up being a stalker, you can stylishly eavesdrop on their conversation to know where they’d be hanging out at, just go there pretend you are there to have fun to, don’t recognize their presence, buy your own shit and yeah! Walk right past them without a glance!

RULE NUMBER 2 – Don’t follow them on any social media handle! Don’t! Well you can keep up with them by checking out their postings if their accounts is fortunately not private, if it is don’t be stupid enough to create a catfish handle.

RULE NUMBER 3 – Be outspoken but not noisy, you can choose a beautiful day to slug it out with your lecturer, be careful and thread on parts you are familiar with because honestly if you end up making a fool out of yourself, you would go from “who is she” to ” I don’t even know her” you need the “who is she”.

RULE NUMBER 4 – Be intelligent, be intelligent! If you are above average and know your onions when it comes to class activities and academics, they would definitely want to have you around you know? Not all cool girls are dumb but some have their brains frozen with lip gloss.

RULE NUMBER 5 – Hang out with boys they love, be the one that is free and cool with the cutest boys in class, they’d friend you just to get to the boy they want. Trust me you shouldn’t make it easy for them to get what they want.

RULE NUMBER 6 – Lay low, don’t be loud in class, leave classes as soon as lectures end, wear your stuff in unique ways, do not follow the trends they set! They would come to you and when they do, don’t even make it obvious to them that you were ever interested.

Now that you are their friend, what would you do? Keep up with everything they do, if they drink and you don’t drink don’t you dare tell them to stop and don’t even try to mummy them it is not of your fecking business, you want it so stick with it. You could be the sober one who would always drive them home, at least you are being useful.

Don’t even try to borrow their clothes or raid their wardrobe, so what if they wear designers, save money and buy different Ankara and adire fabrics, have them well tailored, rock it and be outstanding in the sea of Coco Chanels and Yves Saint Laurents.

PS: Don’t be surprised when you find out the cool girls are not as cool as you thought they were. Are you still interested in hanging out with them?

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