JOBLESS, BROKE AND CLUELESS: THE UNEMPLOYED NIGERIAN YOUTH CHRONICLES

Tomorrow officially makes it two months after my passing out parade. This means I have been jobless for just too months and wahala is about to kill me finish!!!

I wasn’t expecting a fat salary, a nice flat in Abuja, benz and a job at the CBN (wouldn’t mind all that though 😋). I was actually ready to take things slow and figure things out at my own pace. I didn’t have a plan. Nothing on going for masters, finding a job, starting a business or learning a vocation. I wanted to just sit my butt at home, sleep, eat, chat and eat Chronicles sharwama twice a week at the mall. That’s my definition of living the life yo….for now sha.

Toh. I was there being all relaxed and shi but the devil said no. He must tension me.

He first  started with nosy aunts. Nosy aunts who come over, see you all happy eating but think its better they ruin your happiness.

‘Hope you are applying already for jobs?’
‘No ma.’
‘Why not?’
‘Nothing’
‘Nothing?! Nothing?! And you are here eating and sleeping and waking up? You can’t even learn tailoring or catering or some other vocation. How can you be sleeping and eating and waking up?’ She faces my parent ‘you people are spoiling this girl work is hard to find o’

Haha

I couldn’t continue with my food because of aunty Risikat. Let’s call her aunty Risi. Aunty Risi insulted me and tried to mount pressuee on me for no reason. Aunty Risi is the typical myopic Nigerian who thinks you can’t amount to anything good in your life because you didn’t go to the university. She is the type that starts pressuring you for marriage just because you are over 25. Aunty Risi is the type that becomes a womb watcher 2 weeks after a woman gets married. Aunty Risi is the oversabi agony aunt who chooks nose inside stew that doesn’t belong to her, sniffs it and then complains the pepper entered her eye. Aunty Risi is quick to criticise, shame and tongue lash while her life is far from perfect. Aunty Risi spoilt my mood that day but I continued living my life cus a thousand Risis can’t stop me shine. Fam. I was wrong.

After aunty Risi came Uncle Muritala. Let’s call him uncle Muri because I don’t want family meeting the moment this post gets published. So uncle Muri is my super smart uncle who loves go-getters, successful people, people excelling at what they do. Uncle Muri loves education to boot so it was no wonder he began to ask what my plans of furthering were. I said I didn’t have any and uncle Muri was like

Uncle Muri began to stress the importance of a masters degree, its benefits and why I needed one considering the fact that I finished university with 2:2. He specifically told me my result will put me at a disadvantage in the employment market so I needed to run for my masters and be done quick quick. Fam I cried. Motivational speakers don scam me. I could remember that man with oversized suit during JAC lecture in Minna telling us results don’t matter. Now uncle Muri is telling me this. I cried for my result, I cried for the nights I spent jacking and eventually ending up with 2:2, I cried for the many times I  boasted to my friends that I don’t care about the class I leave school with because what is upstairs is dope, flaming hot intelliGence!

Okay uncle Muri, I will go for my masters but the question is I would like to go and do it in the abroad will you sponsor me? Guys. Uncle Muri began to speak Swahili talking about how success lies wherever it lies. Talking about the nice universities in Nigeria. Talking about how it won’t kill to do masters in ABU Zaria. Uncle Muri you gonna sponsor me to Harvard or nah?

My discussion on masters degree with uncle Muri was placed on a hold eventually because 1) I am honestly not ready for that now, I will just go and squander money. 2) if it is not in the abroad with uncle Muri sponsoring me I is not doing.

I had to keep reminding myself that I just want to rest first before the pressure gets a hold of me. Don’t get me wrong. I am applying when I deem fit but not aggressively, I apply selectively because it’s pointless jumping with your head inside job you have no clue about and hate. I have made up my mind not to be swayed by that pressure so when it comes from any nosy person I reply with a scathing remark. My mum’s friend who was taunting me that I am fat and unemployed was unlucky enough to ask where she should help me find work. I told her CBN and she shut up with her ha! Another asked if I can’t start business with my 2 months allawee I was like. Shey the one that have finished abi another one?

Don’t beat me up over my unemployment. Don’t stress me because I have finished serving, my parents are not complaining about the food I am eating though they’ve  complained about me sleeping like chicken #yikes. But really. People should learn to put their mouths where it should be. We have people still walking around 5 years after NYSC without jobs. It’s just 2 months and I am getting pushed from left to right. Some even asked when my marriage is. What?!!! It’s just 2 months please!

Some times I wished I didn’t go for orientation when I did. I wish I had stayed much longer to understand the point of whatever I was going for. This is part of the reason I want to figure this clueless stage out. It’s okay to be clueless if you can relate. You are not useless. And to those who have loads of responsibilities and furiously need to get a job. I pray mercy locates you soon.

So in summary nah work I no get I no kill person. Pree me!!!