LADIES, WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN WEIRD GUYS HIT ON YOU?

Ladies get in here!

Are there times you feel the world is pulling your legs by sending men at the least of your choice to you? Are there times you question yourself on why short dudes with flaky skin stroll your way when you have had a heart to heart conversation with your mind that you want a tall, caramel skinned one instead? Think no more sister, we are all in this together.

Lately, it seems the universe is playing an expensive joke on me by giving me the opposite of whatever I wanted. The first time it happened, it wasn’t much of a big deal to me. I mean I thought it was one of those things, random coincidences, so I let it slide. The second time it happened I made a mental note in my head and ticked it as ‘second time.’ On that lovely day I had gone out with my friends to have a nice time. On my way out I ran into a guy who almost swallowed me with his arms, he practically had his hands held out like the statue of Jesus in Brazil and wanted to hug me. I took a step back and I was like what?

The guy looked like what Kimora Lee would have looked like as a guy, only that he was more beautiful. Yeah beautiful is the word because brother mahn wasn’t handsome. He is fair-skinned and fresh-skinned, round head and slanted eyes, he looked like a confused Chinese who somehow jumped the queue in heaven and landed in Nigeria. It got worse when he introduced himself as Temi! A very very feminine name. That was when I knew his case was different. He began the same old question and answer session which ended with a can I get your number? That question made my alter ego, inner man, outer man and even backyard man agree on one thing for the first time ever. We all shook our head vigorously and pronounced the verdict as NO! Even my village people refused to trick me into saying yes, as far as we were all concerned he is so not it. I can’t for the life of me go on a date with that pretty boy, pretty boy who would have all the attention slathered on him without even asking, pretty boy who wouldn’t let me be great. I can’t even put him in a friend zone, he may end up unknowingly snatching all my admirers! He left with a sad look on his face and that only made him prettier. I moved on shaking a warning fist at cosmic.

Apparently fate wasn’t having any of that, it played a fast one on me again. When I said I admire and have a thing for mature men I knew what I meant but maybe fate overslept and grant someone else’s request in place of mine. It was a sunny day and I was waiting for a cab with my pals, this shiny car stopped and the glasses rolled down. ‘Hi you’ he called. We all turned to look at one another until he specified it was me. Apparently the shades the mister had on masked a lot because that totally blinded me into giving him my number. I was still open minded till he came on a visit and I saw him, really saw him. That was when I felt what David felt when he first saw Goliath. He was huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugeeeeeeeeeeeee, I saw my dad, my uncle and grandfather in him all at once!. I felt weird, awkward and the air was stifling. The thought of giving him a hug was enough to suffocate me. It was that bad. So I let that one slide again because yet again it wasn’t what I wanted.

This has made me think deep and long enough to ask myself why? Do I have a sign on my head which reads ‘My specifications should never ever come my way’ do I? I can’t even play the fantasy game in my head anymore lest something bizarre happens. Fate is getting as extra as I am and I am scared stiff to swoon over muscular men lest the universe sends me something like this.

How do you cope when you get hit on by men who freak you out?