Have you ever been in an argument with someone and they start saying really hurtful things and you replied back with how what they are saying is getting to you and how bad they are as a person for saying that? Do you go back to apologize for shouting at them and calling them bad for what they said because you realized they were saying the truth? Well done, clap for yourself. You just threw yourself into a bin!
Many a times we have unconsciously given people power to toss us into the bin. We let them have access to our weakness, we refuse to blame them for how they treat us wrong and we instead concentrate on “ifs”.
We refuse to hold them to their acts because, we do not want to be alone. Some of us are scared of being alone, we think not having some people in our lives means we are getting doomed. It means it would reduce how good we look to other people because they might have spread tales about us to them but who cares?
We do not want to ruin our relationship hence we continue to stomach shit upon shit just to look like a winner and not a loser. We think we would judged by how long, strong and well we have kept relationships which ranges from family to partnership and friendship. We think such relationship coming to an end shows how intolerant we are towards other people’s mistakes so we pretend not to be annoyed when they do us wrong. We even smile and tell them not to worry about the shit they just served us earlier, then we push forward and request for an extra plate!
We continue to let people treat us as trash because we are scared of what their reaction would be when we tell them they are making the bin a favourite vacation spot for us. We don’t want them to think we love fights, malice or arguments. We think keeping shut and being at “peace” with them is better than sorting things out through discussion and intelligent talks. So we keep on chugging shit.
We apologize first before letting them know how they have stepped on our toes, we begin with “sorry if I hurt your feelings but you hurt mine too when you…”. Which ends with both of you apologizing to each other. Why would you be apologetic for speaking the truth and voicing out how you feel about the insult, embarrassment or disappointment you have been put through?
We make excuses for people’s wrongdoings, when someone angrily calls us names and swears at us during an argument, we say “oooo, he must have been agitated about something he case say that to me” or we say ” Kiki doesn’t know it is wrong to wash down people, it is her nature”.
We believe people we love, love us back equally as we love them. Which is not true. You, you alone know who you love how you love them and what you’d do for them. Never think those you love and adore won’t do you wrong so that when you get treated like a trash and you are about to be tossed into the bin. Hang on to the lid and vomit, vomit all the shit you are being fed. Adoring someone too much will make you blind to their ill treatment of you.
Some of us strongly want to be liked, taken serious and well respected amongst people. So we do everything to please them, we apologize for our own mistakes, we laugh at ourselves when they make mockery of us and oh well, we “overlook” their rudeness because well we are over that and too mature to worry about trivial issue like a “minor disrespect”.
VALIDATION, we want people to suck up to us that we are the nice one and they are the wrong one. Who ever does that? 1 out of 100 people! Who ever apologize and admit they are wrong for treating you badly? Nabody! You keep giving them the power, to either admit they are wrong which they’d never do or keep treating you the same way. Since you have refused to let them know what they are doing is wrong by assuming they know. They continue to do it since you obviously see nothing wrong in it.
We always try to empathize with others and over do it. We connect too strongly to other people’s situation and we end getting ignored or rejected. We feel bad because we leave our problems to solve someone else’s own without being invited.
Stop it, stop stop stop it. Stop looking for validation and stop putting feelings of people who have hurt you before yours. Tell people how they have hurt, disrespect, ignored you in a simple non confrontational way. They do not have to agree with you. You need to agree with yourself and be vocal about it.
If you don’t like your hair being touched, be vocal about it, you don’t have to say “it could be touched but not pulled back” stand with what you want. It is not a must for them to agree with what you think is impolite or unjust towards your person. You are the one getting affected at the end of the day so stand up for yourself only.
Don’t lie at the bottom of the trash can between piles of bullshits and rubbish to talk about how wrongly you have been treated.
You can even avoid being near the trash can by refusing to let them treat you like trash.
Do not let your feelings be trashed and do not let them trash YOU.
I love to hear from you. How do you think you are being treated by your friends, family? Do you think you deserve it? I love to hear from you, I always reply. #xoxo
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