NAIJA VS GHANA: THE JOLLOF WAR.

Ehehehe, so they said some people have pulled out their daggers to fight after exchange of words was not yielding any positive result. They even said the World War III is imminent and the argument and the brouhaha this issue has stirred is making some young people neglect their studies in order to go on reconnaissance. It has gotten to the point that projects have been dumped as students would rather do research on the history of the cause of the imminent war rather than face their studies.

“What could be the causer?” I asked Somebody whispered “Rice”,
“shut up, shut up! Not just any rice but jollof rice jor!” Another retorted.

I was overgasted, ni kini? On top rice prepared with pepper and maggi with salt? Rice that my Mum prepares with eyes closed? The kind that tastes like heaven with sweet peppery aftertaste? The one I ate one day and I sat my Mum down to tell her to resign at her job and go into Olopo, local catering business? Ehehehe, see me see the power of jollof o.

Wasn’t it this same jollof that placed the Minister of information into the left hand of jobless youths and they used him to clean their yansh? The man was unfortunate enough to declare Senegalese jollof the best because he thought he was asked where Jollof originated from and not which jollof rice is the best. The man old enough to be their daddy was dragged through the gutters for making such a harmless statement. What a world.

But wait a minute, what is the fuss about jollof? And why are the angry children of recession quick to jump at any statement regarding jollof or no jollof. *strollstogoogle* *runsbackpanting* what I saw is beyond me. This battle is getting out of hand but before that, let me share with you a quick history of Jollof.

According to know it all Wikipedia, the great cousin of Google the name Jollof comes from the Wolof people found in northwestern Senegal, The Gambia and southwestern coastal Mauritania. Due to it name, it can also be traced to the Senegambian region that was ruled by the Jolof Empire. However, James C McCann considers it unlikely that the dish could have spread from Senegal and proposes that the dish spread with the Mali Empire. This overthrows Nigeria and Ghana’s claim to be the original inventor of the war rousing Jollof.

However, rivalry still exists between the two countries over who cooks the best jollof. If peradventure there would be a real war concerning the jollof matter then plates of rice would be tossed as ammunition and when it is finished, dodo and drumsticks would take over .

In the meantime let it be known that Nigerian jollof is anointing but not divine, it doesn’t guarantee you an easy ticket to heaven neither does it increase your GP, it is high time Nigerians faced their own personal business rather than showing their patriotism through tussle over rice prepared with pepper. Who doesn’t know how soul lifting Jollof rice is especially the one prepared with firewood, most especially the burnt part that you have to scrap with an iron spoon before you savour the mouthwatering secret that lies beneath the pot. Who doesn’t know a Nigerian party is incomplete without the grand presence of jollof rice even if people wouldn’t eat it? Who doesn’t? Did you see us carrying our phone up and down thinking of something witty to tweet in order to score more in the cold war of Jollof between two great West African nations? No.

So what’s the fuss about? It is not like other food is not preferred to jollof rice by majority, thank God for the party loving attitude of Nigerians which gave it more prominence, jollof rice for where? When there is Amala and Ewedu with pomo that is carrying pepper, meat that has sucked all the sweetness of pepper spiced with better seasonings, when there is Pounded Yam and Efo riro, a combination that can make you speak in tongues, when there is Edikang Ikong. Ha, you people berra stopeet.

Jollof rice

It would be a good thing though if people will carry other important matters involving Nigeria and other nations on their head rather than the inane argument over whose meal tastes better or doesn’t because… *Jollof Rice smacks me in the face*

JOLLOF RICE: Have you forgotten how you were served a little of my sweetness one day and you couldn’t help but blab about how good it tastes to everyone?

ME: I am not understanding, is that why you smacked me? For what now?

JOLLOF RICE:I would smack you again, in fact I would do more than that, how dare you act passive over a subject that is dear to the heart of millions. You wouldn’t even take my side against my rival.

ME: Egbami, are you fighting for the freedom of Chibok girls? Are you the budget that would eventually get allocated to the right sectors? So why should I care about you?

JOLLOF RICE: So that is the case ba? Then I and my immediate family, Fried Rice, Coconut Rice, White Rice, my extended family Tuwo Masara, Tuwo Shinkafa, Pate and my cousins Jambalaya in Spain, Biryani in South Asia, Kabsa in Saudi Arabia, Kedgeree in United Kingdom and others too numerous to mention have declared our own war against you. We will choke you if you have a taste of us, we would hurt your nasal organs if you caught a whiff of us, we will make your eyes bring out pus if you stare at us and you will purge for days if you ever think of us… We will…

ME: (screaming) I was only joking o, I was only joking. I was just being a child. Emabinu, I swear to God I will never be passive about your cause again, I thought those who were supporting you were exaggerating and it annoyed me. So you coerced them as well?

JOLLOF RICE: Well, not exactly, I cast a spell on their brains instead so that they would support me and neglect other trifling or important issues (laughs maniacally)

ME: (aside) even you are not making sense…

JOLLOF RICE: What did you say?

ME: Nothing o, I was only thinking of your greatness and how it should never be challenged for whoever does that… Aje kun iya ni o je, Aje kun ni o je, e ni ti o to ni na tin de na de ni, aje kun iya ni o je