SHOOTING SHOTS AS A WOMAN – MY PERSONAL ENCOUNTERS

The series of shooting shots gone wrong tweets I kept seeing all over my TL brought back memories of the harrowing experiences I have had with shooting shots. All my life I have had stupid crushes. Those I liked enough I go after them.

Shooting your shot is when you let go of your pride to pursue someone you are interested in. (Urban dictionary)

The first shots I ever shoot was at a mulatto playmate. I was 7 years old or thereabouts. His name was Ilyass and the reason I ‘loved’ him then was because he was so yellow and he had curly hair. I dreamt of how I would have beautiful yellow babies with curly hair that would become the toast of everyone the way Ilyass was. Everyone loved and treated him specially even though Ilyass was rough and sometimes unkind to me. When I told Ilyass I wanted him to be my husband, he didn’t react he just kept crouching beside me as we hid during a bojuboju game. At the tender age of 7 I shot my first blank shot.

E don be!

Now that kind of experience should have served as a kind of a premonition of my fate when it comes to shooting shots at men but nop! I kept at it. The second time was in secondary school. There was this cute fella I liked so much, I did the matching game with both our names and we ended up as lovers! Bless God! The nights I didn’t skip my solat I prayed to God to make him my husband, I fantasize about my husband day and night, yes my husband because we were already married in my daydreams and we’ve had 10 babies. So on one wild and adventurous night, I shoot an indirect shot to him. A classmate who was asking me out then was to serve as the assist, the condition was he conveys a message to my darling and then I will think about his proposal. It sounds presposterous but the messenger delivered.

I still remember those messages…

Mr Crush – So so said you said this.
Mrs Crush – Yes, I love you so?
Mr Crush – I love you too.

Wow! Now he asks me out officially I thought but nop! He assumed we have started a relationship after that exchange. Guy? How nah? Well that also ended like MTN data sub, it finished before we started enjoying it.

My shots shooting went on a recess until this slim mysterious man sauntered into my life, he has the walking steps of someone with ants in his pants and how I got attracted to this human is still a mystery.  I wanted Mr mysterious and I went after him. I chatted him up and the razzmatazz began. After months of talking and not talking…I got fed up! I wanted something laid out and defined. I am not even his friend I am just a babe who keeps up with him. So I started scheming on how to do what I know how to do disastrously. Shoot a shot.

Someone should have held me, if I had good friends they would have seized my phone, held me hostage and stuff me into my wardrobe till I came back to my senses but did they do that? No! Because I didn’t tell them.

At that point I became Booboo the fool.

You must have heard about the proverbial dog that refused to listen to the hunters whistle right? Well I was that bitch because I sauntered off to meet him that night like someone under mind control. I felt a burning sensation in my chest that I could not explain.

My nerves actually failed me but I wanted to put a stop to whatever torture I was putting myself through. After some minutes of random jabbering I poured out my chest not my heart but my chest. He listened attentively and when I was done he asked if I had seen an episode of blah blah blah.

EROS! APHRODITE!! WHAAAAAAAAAT!!!

Nothing was said in response to my talks of affection and what not. Maybe because I flunked it by saying I don’t expect him to feel obligated to date me but at least something along the line of…

‘Okay I like you too, your waist is cutie but I’m gay.’ Or an explanation at least.

Eventuarry after months of listening to Justin Bieber, I got over it and I became a strong advocate of women not shooting shots. You people should not shoot shots o, you people should not!. You may not be lucky to shoot at someone whose feelings is also mutual so what to do? Mop around and cry? I am all for faking that pride anytime any day. Probably because I know how rejection feels. It will mess you up and have you doubting yourself for a minute, it will have you thinking weird.

And that’s the tea!

In conclusion, if you must shoot shots be prepared for whatever happens incase the shots ricochet. Ciao!