THIS WEATHER IS DOING ME TIRIRIN TARARAN!

I have resigned myself to fate. The bright sunshine and beautiful weather I thought would come with summer didn’t come. Because I am in Nigeria!

How come I have never noticed? Or it is different this time around? Don’t even come at me with the ‘summer is for the European countries’ lecture. I failed geography throughout my secondary school days so I don’t know what you are talking about!

I have been trying to write a ‘Shall I Compare Thee to a Summer’s Day’ kinda poem for my sweethearts, yeah sweethearts but apparently the weather has frozen my brain cells because I can’t even think straight. I am pissed and sad at the same time. I just came out of a writer’s block. I didn’t know what to write for the past 3 hours!!!

Me lately

This blog was supposed to be a full time job since I was done with school runs but it seems those forces following me have refused to unfollow because I sure didn’t follow them back. I didn’t!
Back to what we are saying, please who else falls in and out of sickness since this confused weather descended on us? Mine first started with slight headaches I associated with school stress, then it developed into a temperature. Imagine having a head that feels heavy on your shoulders with hot skin that seems to release it hotness into the clothes you are wearing. It was that bad. But surprisingly, I only fall ‘sick’ once it is 7pm, it gets worse around 10pm and then subsides the next morning around 10am!

This weather is annoying. I once crawled around doing my chores in snail-like motion when I had an appointment for 10am. It looked like it was few minutes after 7 outside so I thought I still had more time. I still had more time I kept telling myself as I sluggishly did what I had to do, I still had more time as I danced into the bathroom, I still had more time as I posed in front of the mirror pretending to be a Victoria’s Secret model. I still had more time till I picked up my phone to check my WhatsApp texts.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa

It was 12:30pm already and I was still in my underwear with loads of messages asking what’s up with me cus my number wasn’t reachable. I cursed the deceptive weather as I struggled into my jeans and threw on what I could lay my hands on. Sucks to combination and fashion.
Could you imagine this silly, pretentious, deceptive, manipulative weather still looked the same? Like it was just few minutes to 7? I couldn’t cry as I ran to where I ought to be since 10am in my mismatched outfit.

Who else thinks it’s high time this stopped? Bro Gabriel? Bro Gabriel? Can we have the heat back please? This weather is not helping those of us who stay in our parents house bro. Who should I snuggle close to when the weather catches hold of me and seeps into my ‘cores’. I can’t possibly raise my hands and sing ‘glory glory, his name is holy’ when my head is thinking of blankets, beds, pillows and strong hands. This is the period married people shine their teeth and cheekily tell you marriage is beautiful. This is the period I feel like disrupting weddings, why do you have to fix your wedding for this period? Why can’t we all suffer together. Sly!

Wehdone ma/sah

I scrolled through my IG feed the other day and watched as some Nigerian fashion bloggers dress up in frilly tops and skimpy skirts posing for cameras with captions reading ‘summer’. Shut up! Shut up! Funke, your location says Nigeria and there is nothing summeristic about Nigerian weather presently, it is rain rain almost everyday or a sickening coolness that nobody likes. So shut up and chuck it!

I am so angry this weather had made me lazy, I wasn’t like this. I wasn’t lazy at all. I just like sitting down and waiting for everything to come meet me. But I can’t do that anymore because of this weather, you have to move your body every ten minutes so you won’t turn to ice where you are sitting. I am not kidding!

Dear weather get a hold of yourself before next week else I’d get a one way ticket to Cancun. My head aches already from the way I have been shouting. Ciao!

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