MY VILLAGE PEOPLE ARE FOLLOWING ME!

Village people exist, in fact they kept expanding their wings every darn day. Lately, they have been working on my file after bringing it out from the other piles of files in their storage room. I have a feeling they said to themselves ‘how come this girl has been gallivanting around? See how her files is dusty sef. Before you call me superstitious let me fill you in on the different scenarios I have been encountering that made me belive formal that my village people are using my picture to fan their armpit.

So on Tuesday, I went to school with my clearance because we had been told to bring it since Monday to collect our certificate but those people told us it is Tuesday and not Monday anymore, then Tuesday came and they said it is Wednesday again.

So I went back home that Tuesday. In the evening, I decided to rearrange my bag and remove any paper that has no business there. I checked the inner bag and made sure there was nothing inside then I began to put everything back in, that was how I noticed I didn’t bring out my clearance with the rest of what I brought out neither was it on the floor with me. Gbese!

I first flew up to get a torch then I went back to check one by one, the papers, the chair I was sitting on, my bag was turned in and out, ha! Tears started cascading down my cheeks while my grandmother kept asking what the matter was. When I realized the clearance wasn’t in my bag I let out a howl like a wounded wolf.

I rushed in a daze to dial my ex course mate’s number.

‘Tunde! I can’t find my clearance o’ my voice gave way to tears again and this time around it poured in torrents. He was bemused and asked me to stop crying after promising to help me check his bag. I couldn’t stop crying, I cried so much that I became dehydrated, my voice went hoarse and I developed an headache. My eyes stang and I stared blindly at the TV.

Tunde called back to break the news I dread to hear but somehow knew it was what I knew that he wanted to say – my clearance wasn’t in his bag. I began a fresh round of tears, the pain of signing everything and losing it a day to when it will get collected cut deep. He comforted me and told me another one can be gotten at the faculty. I didn’t care, I cried myself to sleep anyways.

The next morning, I was in school as early as 8am, after climbing the four floors of the faculty twice I was asked to come the next day before 10am. The next day around 8am, I was at the faculty officer’s office, I was already feeling hopeful that it isn’t impossible to get another anyways, but the devil decided he wasn’t done with me yet so he sent a text to my village people to remind them that I was about to go off their radar. I was about to enter the faculty officer’s office when a fat, fair man with a bulldog face stopped me.

‘Yesh, from wia?’ he looked me up and down. I explained to him and he dismissed me with a ‘goan pay five tasan naira into school’s akant’ I didn’t even wait, I ran in a daze down the stairs and collapsed on the third floor. I was frustrated, all I could do was weep weep weep, how will I pay 5000 naira for losing a sheet of paper when I can photocopy another for 5 naira and start all over again. The sweepers and cleaners came to comfort me and hear good gossip in the process.

When I got the money I went back with Tunde to ask the faculty officer for the account number of the school’s account I was to pay into. The fat and fair man with the bulldog face sent Tunde and I put and called me a useless, stupid and rude girl’

The tears won’t even come this time around. I could hear my village people cackling and singing soft work as I walked half-heartedly to my department’s general office. After explaining to the people there, I discovered I wasn’t meant to pay ‘five tasan’ naira because each student gets another if he or she loses the one that was first given to him or her. So I was sent back to the faculty officer whom I actually met face to face this time around and who told me I have no problem and ordered Mr fat and fair with the bulldog face to give me another clearance. Mr fat and fair said none was available and he was actually telling the truth that time around because someone else checked for me to confirm. I have been asked to come back today and I have been waiting since. Hopefully my village can now unfollow me and go after someone else.

I just checked my bag to confirm I am with the passport photograph I took at home to paste on the new clearance I will be given and it is not there!

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