WHAT IS IT LIKE TO DATE OLDER PEOPLE?

Almost everybody date. At least most hang out once in a while with the opposite sex to er… er… You know just talk about stuff older people talk about when they are attracted to another person. It is perfectly normal but when you find yourself gravitating towards someone who is older than you… Woah, you better prepare yourself for loads of this.

#Sideeyes

In a world where people think they can force you to accept what they think is right, whoever is attracted to an older person sure has a lot to deal with, from funny looks, to weird questions, to awkward situations, to moments where you have to talk your way out of different bullshit scenarios.

I have noticed with time the imbalance in the society. We live in a world where people react less surprised to an older man dating a younger woman than a man dating an older woman. That situation is often accompanied by lots of name calling and scalding reactions and daggers from… Wait for it, fellow women!

Cradle snatchers! Old mama Youngie, Sugar mummy things… And on and on. Who remembers the disgraced woman from Ebonyi?

I read how President Macron’s wife was called selfish because ‘she’d never allow him have his own child.’ But what if Macron never wanted a child anyway? If it was the other way round would the remarks be that scathing. Look at Donald and Melania!

People who took it upon themselves to be emergency psychologists cite Daddy/Mummy problems as the reasons why some people get attracted to older people. Seriously? Come on. I have had encounters with people who would rather be eternally single than date someone within their age bracket. Some people can’t just deal with the issues that come with dating someone their age.

‘Kaothar, I can’t date someone who is not matured o.’ An acquitance said rolling her eyes.

‘But there are younger guys who are matured, I mean look at Tunde and Faruk. They have more sense than their age and… ‘

‘You don’t get it yeah?’ She said cutting me off ‘There are some dramas that come with dating someone who falls into your age bracket: the first to text, childish mind games, silly fights, not having enough balls to deal with their own ish, and yes! Finance. But that’s the least though’ She gave me a toothy grin.

‘So you are saying you are in this for the money too right?’ I prodded fixing her my stern stare. The one I wear when I’m trying to be all smart and detectivey.

‘Not money per se but at least we won’t have to borrow money from mobile networks to call each other cus we happen to be broke and we are still collecting money from OUR FOLKS!’ she laughed hysterically when she finished saying this and then stopped, exasperated that I wasn’t getting her point. ‘You don’t understand right?’

I do but I wanted her to say more ‘Not really.’

‘It’s annoying honestly. It’s like guys in their twenties don’t know what to do with their life. But when you meet those men, I mean real older men.’ Her eyes began to dance as if she was seeing an apparition of Morgan Freeman decked in chocolate suit with cherries for buttons and hair perfectly gelled with strawberry flavoured jam.

‘Hello?’ I waved frantically.
She slowly turned towards me her eyes still dancing ‘You still don’t get it do you? I hope you do someday and you understand what I am talking about…’

That same moment. Bae, sorry Uncle bae called and said he was around, I followed her to get introduced to the boyfriend. Then, I got her drift, he was dressed in simple tee-shirt and trousers and wore simple sandals and oh, he has a sleek ride too. Hmmmm. Not everyone is into the swaggerlicious outfits hassle young men wear just to impress girls. Sometimes fake Timberlands are a sore in the eye.

As we exchanged our His and Hellos, I realized how stifling romance with older people can also be. There was no time for the mushy mushy that comes with the ‘younger generation’ dating relationship. No senseless giggles, no silly groping. My friend had to ‘behave’ herself like she was some primary school pupil and her boyfriend, sorry Uncle Bae was her headmaster. He is nice don’t get me wrong but it was just too stifling. I was suffocating in the ride to the mall even though the AC was on!

How do people cope in relationships with older people by the way? Isn’t it supposed to be all fun and all that stuff? I used to get the grips for older men then but I realized it was a crazy fantasy that came along because of a silly movie I watched. Hahaha

How do people relate with their partners? Do they call them by the names? I can’t imagine someone calling the other partner who is twenty years older by name. Isn’t it supposed to be like ‘Aunty sweetheart and Uncle darling?’ sorry o. It is ask I am asking.

And ehn ehn, please wait. Are there no situations that pop up and the older partner goes all adult on the other one like ‘Am I your mate? Do you know who you are talking to?’

How do they also cope in the bathroom? I mean when the woman keeps yelling ‘Daddy, Daddy!!!’ is it out of excitement or respect?

How does it feel like being all macho with a woman old enough to be one of your aunties eh?

Ignore my ramblings and not my questions please. I am just curious. And no, I am not one of those that screw up their noses at that kind of relationship. Give me a Denzel Washington or an RMD any day any time and watch the rest of my reservations fly out the window!

Have you ever been involved with an older person? How was it like? Do you see yourself ending up with an older person? Why? Do you prefer someone within your age group? I await your insights and… I always reply. Let’s talk yo!