I used to have friends, loads of them, I used to have cliques but I never fit in, why? I don’t know
As someone that loved gossip while in secondary school ( I still do) I joined cliques just to be in on most gossips and to save myself from being alone, I hate being alone, sitting alone, eating alone I was an insecured girl. The leaders of these cliques knew I wasn’t as tough as I seemed, so they prey on me and use my fear of not being alone to their advantage, I always get to be the one to be given rules on what to do and what not do, I on the other hand would think I am not good enough and I am as bad as they made me think.
I got into Uni and I decided am never ever going to join any cliques and neither will I allow anyone dictate to me what to do and what not do, I was successful and I had friends as well, but along the line I noticed “friends” would take the back seat when it is time for us to do things together, they say “you go and do it, you kuku know better” most times I let those things slide and I would continue to be ME (note that I am not calling myself perfect).
The attitude giving start to take different forms like my friends doing the exact thing am doing, ok, here is an example, I was selling scarfs and I was really really making profits from it, competition is normal but imagine my friend suddenly buying scarfs in dozens without telling me? And bringing it to sell after I stopped selling mine due to an issue or the other or selling it while I was still selling mine? Did you just shrugged it off like it is no biggie?
Here is another scenario, there was an impromptu test and I did all I could even though I wasn’t prepared, I was lucky to have 12/15 while my friend wasn’t so lucky he or she had 8/15 instead, suddenly he or she starts sulking and moaning about how intelligent and smart I am even though I just laughed it off and thanked luck for the score, so my friend starts studying seriously for another impromptu test and fortunately or unfortunately for him or her, there wasn’t another and it was exam instead, getting into the exam hall my friend starts writing furiously away while I got stucked at a point turning towards my friend for a quick clue which can come in form of a letter or a word but alas! He or she would pretend not to hear and I would have no choice than writing down the nonsenses I could before the invigilator shouts “time up!”. Did you shrug to this as well and think it is still normal? OK.
How about your friend stopping you from registering for some things or getting involved in some activities that is not school related and going around to register and do the same things you were discouraged about? How about your friend telling people that’d build you and help you in this journey called life that you don’t need their assistance because you are well made and too pompous to condescend and relate with other people? How about when your friend refuses to give you the contact of a girl you were crushing on even though they have their girlfriend already? What would you do if you found out your friend has started dating her few days after you made your intentions known to him? How would you feel if your friend deny you the opportunity to meet really cool people and goes around to tell them not to think much of you because you are just someone that is really good at stealing shine from others? How about that!
Friendship is awesome but it becomes something else entirely when your so called friend start feeling threatened, you think you are inferior with the way they act towards you, but it is not so, they know you are better than they are but instead of them to work on their own flaws and make themselves better than they used to be too, they think stopping you from being good at things they are not too good at is what would make them better, they are wrong. But that doesn’t mean you should be competitive as well, you can turn your energy towards doing something much more rewarding, do not feel jealous when they brag about their achievements in your presence, compliment them on that for they want to use further make the friendship toxic, set limits to what you discuss with your friend and make sure discussions related to work and achievements do not get discussed, mingle with other people who won’t see you as a competition, if all these still won’t stop your friend from competing with you sit them down and tell them without mincing words that their behaviour is affecting your friendship, be plain and do not sugarcoat whatever it is you have to say.
Do not encourage the spirit of competition between you and your friends, friends that see their friend as rivals can do anything to stop their friend from being the best, competitions can be deadly and dirty.