If there is a life lesson that I had to relearn again this February, it is that I can do anything I put my mind to. Remember in an earlier post I reflected on my trekking and bus-jumping experience in Lagos before getting a car? Remember it also ended with a meme of a cat behind the wheel because now I am a new car owner in Lagos? Exactly.

So basically, it is expected that once you own a car, you would have to drive or get a driver to drive you. Anyways, in typical Kaothar fashion, my first response was to be dramatic.

“What if Danfo buses scrape me on the road?”
“What if I cannot move in the middle of the express?”
“What if…(insert a random unnecessary waste of brain space worrying).”

Mind you, I learnt how to drive in 2020, but an experience on the road with a driver who chose to bully me because I had the learner’s sticker on my mum’s car affected me so badly. In fact, I scratched one grandpa’s car in traffic along Challenge Road that day and while the man was genial and allowed me to go, I remember his wife hissing, her damask gele balanced haphazardly on her head as she scrunched up her nose as if the scratches were beyond what brake fluid could clean off. That experience left me shaken, so I swore off driving for a while.

Now here I am, not only having to return to the wheel but in almighty Lagos, the land of people with varying degrees of mental dysfunction.

I prepared well. I brushed up my skills a week prior, then the time came for me to drive to work and I refused. I was ridden with nerves. I handed over the keys instead to the person meant to accompany me in my first week to and fro. I managed to avoid driving twice until the next day when I was suddenly told by this person about an emergency trip.

I first lost it, then fear overwhelmed me.

How would I do it? How would I ply the express? What if? What if? I was shaken. I cannot go back to jumping the bus! I checked Bolt prices. It wasn’t that crazy, but coming back it might have increased a bit. My common sense took over:

Kaothar, is it not better this Bolt money is used to top up your car fuel?

My grandma suggested, maybe you should try leaving your house quite early so you can avoid the traffic.

I was still shaking until she said, “Then go and hop on the bus if you cannot leave early.”

That was it. I made up my mind to drive.

That night, as I prepared for bed, I told myself I would not only drive myself to work but I would do it well. My friend Abdulgafar shared some prayers that would make it easier to navigate the road, I thanked him but yet I was still nervous. I had a fitful night doused with one of the weird scenarios that my dreams often revolve around. I called another friend, Fauzziyah for comfort, she also told me to set out of the house very early in the morning. The next morning, as my neighbour guided me while I reversed. I tried negotiating with him. Would he accompany me to the office and somehow find his way back home and then go to work? He smiled sensing my nerves and said I should face my fears. Chest beating, palms sweating, I steered myself out of the compound into the street. I kept saying, if I cannot drive it again, I will just park somewhere and tell someone to come pick me.

I trudged on. Midway, I nudged a keke that was super close to the road which made it hard for me to gauge the space in time. I didn’t stop. I kept it moving. He should sorry plus I was sure he would be fine. Or not.

The moment I got on the express, a voice said in my head, “Omo, this is it o.” I knew there and then I could not afford to stop. So I pressed on at a reasonable speed as my heartbeat thudded loudly against my chest. God please, God please, I said as cars veered at full speed beside me. Any blare of a horn made me jittery.

“Am I causing traffic?”
“Did I move too slow while ascending the bridge?”
“Can they sense my fear?”

I barely drove beyond 30km on the express. Many times cars would leave my back and move to my front. I kept going steadily as my mouth mumbled Ayyatul-kursiy nonstop. If I can drag this metal box to work, I can add this to my achievement for the week.

As I approached the point where I had to turn on the express, I did it gently as cars zoomed fast. The car’s steering at this point is moistened with the sweat from my trembling hands but I could not afford to stop, to stop at that point is to get blasted with horns questioning my sanity from every direction, which would further disorient me. So I moved with precision. After making the turn, impatient drivers zooming past would not let me move to the next lane, so I had to slow down as I hoped one would slow down too. The car indicator on the left blinked rapidly as if it was also begging the other drivers for me, but none cared. So I lost it!

“You people please now,” I said, on the verge of tears in the car. But they veered on. Full speed on the express.

Imagine going to work on a Wednesday morning and what you see on the express is a salon car with its indicator blinking on a busy road. What would you do? Drive on? Exactly what those people did.

Fortunately, help came. An FRSC officer barked across the road at me, asking why I was there. I told him I wanted to change lanes and turn at the other intersection. He strode across. My heart sank to my knees. What would he think of me if he saw my license and wondered how a scaredy cat like me was behind the wheel?

Instead, he began to stop the traffic so I could move. Thankfully the cars stopped, although one particular car refused to budge until the FRSC man barked at him again. I thanked the man as I moved, then remembered drivers use horns to say thanks, so I honked twice because I am a car owner now.

Anyways, I giddily steered myself to work and was fortunate to have the security guide me as I parked.

The adrenaline was heady. I felt powerful. I felt in control, and I was proud of myself for not pussyfooting and grabbing the bull by the horns.

So here is the Tuesday pick-me-up you did not ask for:

• Just Do It. You will learn if you fail, and if you succeed, you will also learn.

Do it.
Do it as you shake.
Do it confused.
Do not be scared.
Do it.

• Nothing is hard with determination. Before I stepped out that morning, I told myself repeatedly, “You will drive yourself to work and back.” It was hard to imbibe in the first few sentences, but I took time to breathe in and say it to myself again as I stared down my doubting eyes in the mirror. “You will drive yourself to work and back.”
• Imposter syndrome is often from overthinking. After that day, my instructor told me not to allow anxiety cloud my judgment because a whole lot of people are on the road who can barely drive.
• Consistency makes it better. With time you become better at what you did wobbly the first time around.
• Doing hard things is rewarding. You get to see that sometimes when you push your limit, you find out that you were capable all along.
• Have GREAT support system. All my friends are awesome but I got extra support from Abdulgafar, Fauzziyah, Kawthar, Hameedah and of course big chief Philomena. My grandma especially for the early morning suggestion and my mother who drives on a normal day like a smuggler trying to escape the customs, who also told me driving will eventually become a walk in the park.

So, I thank Lagos roads for making me a tougher woman because this morning I drove myself to work and even dragged with another driver at the same intersection where I almost had a breakdown. And I was pleased with myself as I drove out of the house today because two Fridays ago I was crying as I pulled out, screaming at every point whenever I got too overwhelmed.

So trust me, you can do that tough thing that scares you so much y’all, Ciao!