You should know dem nah? Abi you no sabi wetin I dey yarn ni? All those experienced aunties, the ones wey don parade and waka the whole length and breath of earth, sample different kain soup plus different kain men ontop different different mama puts, restaurants, hotel rooms #coughs
Nah dose kain aunties I dey yarn, abeg abeg abeg, if you think sey the above description describe you, no enter my dream for night riding ontop one kain thing wey resemble those things wey dem dey use transport for Harry Potter o, you sabi dah kain thing? That thing wey resemble broom like this, no be resemble sef nah broom, ehn ehn nah wetin oyinbo witches dey use cross Amrika to London be dat, but I trust my local “uruere” people, power of the batman dey dere hands #throwsleftyansh. No vex o, I dey beg in advance o, no zoom my destiny for night inside broken mirror o ehn ehn.
As I dey yarn dey go, these aunties ehn, nah dem dey do mentorship training for free, dem fit don marry or dey wait on the lord for Mr. Rice… Sorry Mr Right, as I dey talk dey go nah dem types dey carry youngie girls head put for yansh, nah dem be the greatest advisers in the whole of planet earth, dem sabi the drugs wey you fit use commot belle pian pian! Dem sabi the one wey no go make the belle stay rara, dem sabi how to use juju tie one married man down, dem sabi the woman wey ihm pikin don knack one tailor’s daughter akpako, dem sabi the woman wey don reset her husband’s destiny, nah dem sabi the story of why dem name ya street Area 69, nah everybody wey dey ya hood don fight aunty adugbo finish, aunty adugbo sabi all the rich rich people wey dem dey show for Telly, dah one pain you? She fit narrate the life history of any successful male or female business pesin, if you ask if dem don befriend before, she go tell you sey the pesin start to dey carry shoulder up the moment e hit baba ijebu #yimu
Aunty adugbos sabi lie gan, and dem too dey get wide mouth ontop hanhan! No wonder the one wey don carry head enter one man’s house go still dey give the shoemaker side eyes, and the ones wey never marry go dey walk the length and breadth of your street at night? Ma ka gini?
Nah for aunty adugbo mouth you go know the shapes and sizes of different John Thomases for your hood, nah she go tell you the one wey go fit make sense if you dey consider expanding your territory and enlarging your antenna, shaking my head! You know warramean now?
Aunty adugbo dey jobless most times but the one wey don receive sense among dem too like to dey Tailor work, hairdresser, Mama put CEO (I no dey beef all these vocations o, no carry my matter go CNN o) if you dey get boring day ehn and the spirit of joblessness don enter your medulla oblongata just carry ya legs waka go aunty adugbo’s shop, your boredom go pick race kiakia like evil spirit wey see exorcism from Kerubu and Serafu people combined with Sele prayer warriors. No be small thing o!
You wan hear? No dey waste ya mega bytes for YouTube dey learn makeup tutorial o, aunty adugbo sabi draw eyebrow well well, nah osho free she go do am for you and your friends sef, she go carve all of una brows with the same blade! Con give you ala masquerade look, all those kainkain colour kombinasion.
You sef get aunty adugbo for hood? Better no follow dem do yamayama, nah through jokes dem go use enter your life o, did you even ask dem how dem sabi all the so so things dem know about men and abortion? Latest beer parlors and hotels? You don forget? Better receive sense sisi okpeke, Aunty adugboism is a highly “communicable” disease. Daddies and uncle’s with wandering JT’s better no play the corner corner wayowayo games aunty adugbo bin dey invite you to play, before you go jam that three letter disease with mighty wahala. I don talk my own.
Aproko Madam signing out!