You all know that I am not the type to mind only my business but lately I have been drinking water and keeping my nose out of everyone’s business. I expected other people to do the same but alas it is as futile as expecting mosquito not to buzz around your ears because you didn’t disturb it.
So before I begin my mini rant/purgation of bottled emotions. I will tell a little story. There used to be this girl in school who stayed in the same hostel I was in 100 level, we exchanged HELLOs and HIs any time our paths crossed, she comes once in a while to borrow match box, seasoning. We shared few gists about classes, GP and other school stuff. That was the charade until the day she ran into me months after at the walkway and excitedly introduced me to her guyfriend.
‘Ehm * inserts guy’s name * meet my friend Kaothar. Kaothar meet * inserts guy’s name again *’ then she went on to slap my back and shoulder and began to talk about how bad a friend I am. Why I didn’t even check up on her or ask after her well-being. Then she collected my number and told me she’d give me a call.
I couldn’t process any of what happened until I got to class or was it my hostel that day. I eventually tossed it off my head after telling myself I have no reason to feel guilty for a relationship I didn’t know about. We never had any moment that bind us together, what we did was what I did with every other random girl from my hostel then!
Anyways, I moved on carrying my boundaries with me and knowing when to say friend and when to correct people who call me friend. I was dealing with tummy troubles that beautiful day when I received a message out of the blues and the sender introduced himself as someone from my CDS. ‘Okay’, I told myself in Laisi’s voice ‘today is a good day let me pretend to be nice’. We went through the introduction part to the how was your day and then the what did you eat part. The last message was still there unopened when my phone began to vibrate, it was a video call from someone I started conversation with 20 minutes earlier. I was annoyed, in fact I was angry! What pained me most was the fact that I was in the toilet trying to slug it out with my bowels when the call came through. I contemplated answering the call and switching my camera to the back so that I will show him the poop but then my conscience spoke to me. So I just hung up instead and had to put my anger on hold just to explain that I wasn’t expecting a call so soon talkless of a video call! And why I wasn’t even informed beforehand about a video call. He sounded sincerely sorry and also confused for he wondered why he couldn’t call me since we are now friends!. And there I had it again. The sudden boom and friendship thing, how people are quick to call you friend just like that.
No, we are not friends.
No, you are not very close to me.
Yes, we have had encounters.
No, those do not make you my friend.
I don’t understand why it will be so hard to explain to people that you can’t just call anyone friend. Have you ever gone through their worst moments with them? Were you there when they were celebrating huge victories? Did you know of their struggles and fears? Do you know who their crush is? Will you stand up for them if they get treated badly? Do you know their secrets? Are they your ride or die? Will you stick up for them? Will they do that for you too? Are you safe with them? Are they safe around you? Can you tell them the truth without flinching? Do you talk about real life shit?
If you do none of those stuff I mentioned above which ain’t even enough to make you a friend then shush it and don’t call me friend. Growing up comes with enough baggage already. Unnecessary friendship shouldn’t be part of it AT ALL.
People know what they want and who they want. You should respect yourself enough to know when someone is just being nice/chatty for just that moment and the one who would go through toughest times with you.
Instagram following doesn’t make you my friend. Whatsapp chats that hold no water doesn’t make you my friend. Sharing the same flat doesn’t make you my friend. Being a fellow corp member doesn’t make you my friend. The mini argument and agreement we had on the snake saga affecting jamb doesn’t make you my friend. Borrowing and lending tomato satchet doesn’t make you my friend, strolling to buy things together doesn’t make you my friend.
There is socialization, association and friendship. Learn the difference.
Thank you. #strolloutstogetcatfish