Alysha speer :Life is painful and messed up, it gets complicated at the worst of times, and sometimes you have no idea where to go or what to do.
What am I doing? Some times I am just clueless, I seem to be getting it on one minute and pop! That pin of misery bursts the balloon of hope or happiness bubbling in me and I would become clueless and fed up with life that I start having funny thoughts, thoughts that are really not funny, thoughts of how the world started, what was happening before the world began, what would happen if the world ends, what am doing alive, how hopeless and wretched life is, how awesome life would have been if this happened and that didn’t.
I get those thoughts and they last for minutes, hours or days, I seem to be hyper around people so nobody notices, nobody understand when I try telling them how I feel, I can’t even get the words to describe how I feel most times, some would tell me to stop having those thoughts else I run mad sooner or later, others would just shrug and say I am making life unnecessarily bitter for myself.
Those period, I would take long walks in my mind going nowhere, just walking and walking, I wish I was not a scaredly cat(I can be daring at times, lol) , if I wasn’t I would leave my hostel late at night to take long walks in the darkest, solitary places in school, but since I could not I would rather lock myself up in my bathroom and let the thoughts drown me up and then turning on the shower to drown the sounds of my thoughts, sobs and tears over what I do not understand, but it gets better. I have come to realize bottling up emotions can lead to self-destruction, the sooner you let it out, the better, very few people can understand how you really feel at times so what is there to do when you start having really dangerous thoughts? I imagined what some friends would say at my funeral if I had committed suicide, they would talk in between tears (if they would actually cry) about how I was laughing and joking with them before I did it.
Life is not hard, humans made it so, we just have to keep moving else we get crushed if we keep standing at a point. Have a fruitful week.