Two weeks ago, there was a tutorial for my department and the text ‘Natural colour’ written by John Updike was being discussed, the discussion dealt with the themes and all that stuff on literature blah blah blah, then characteristics of the characters came into focus, one of the characters Maggie was described as being reserved compared to Ann who was described in the text as a nagging wife, there were arguments on Maggie’s character, and while some says she is only a woman who sleeps around and knows what she wants, others said she is a cool lemonade compared to the hot scalding coffee Ann is.
Out of the Blues someone pointed out the similarities between Ann and one of my course mates and Maggie and me, my reaction was ‘like seriously’? I put an end to the dissection of my character by firmly telling the girl who screamed ‘ reserved keh? ‘ that there is a difference between reserved and quiet, and that shut her and anybody that wants to yap on about me up. The girl compared with the nagging Ann started defending herself, she didn’t stop till we finished the tutorial, she kept on arguing with them as we left the tutorial class, she kept going on and on about how she doesn’t nag while she still get hit by different people with different points and the different times she had nagged, I got pissed on her behalf and I had to tell her to stop defending herself! Little did she know that her denial is the fuel that feeds their stance against her.
Who I am as a person has been an interesting topic of discuss for my course mates and people I don’t even know, while some chose to judge me from a distance after analyzing from a distance, some get ‘close’ and try to pry into my affairs immediately, even before I start my own critique of whether I want them as a hi hi wassup pal or not, I think the most bizarre so far is the questions about my sex life, if have done it, the number of guys I have been with, I answered with 10 to that, how my first kiss was, the number of times have kissed and what not, seriously dude?.
I have been told to my face that am a liar and a pretender, I appreciate honesty, I really do, but please when malice is written all over your honesty, then you are just being a bitter Janus-faced cockroach eating monkey, sorry that was too personal but I discovered people mostly force what they think of you on you when they are neck deep in the mess they accuse you off, someone with a pure heart will never think of you in a bad way, same way gutter minded people will never see the good in you.
I think the most screwed up thing about our lives is we trying to make people see us the way we think we are, which is why we ought NOT to let them see us the way we THINK we are, we should KNOW who we are and stand firmly with it, those that try to force a personality on us do not even know themselves, they have not even discovered themselves yet!