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“Waka waka about, she go dey waka waka about”

That was how I carried my self out yesterday, I went to a popular eatery in Ilorin. OK actually I went to do something at the eatery, something that is totally unrelated to eating!

So I got there earlier than I should, well punctuality is not really my thing in some situations but when some situations demands punctuality nko? And it is one of those situations where your punctuality is actually not uhm needed? Recession is the devil, gone is the glitz and shine Royals decorate the eatery with during new year celebration, only a floating father Christmas, a ballooned snowman and all those common gold, green and red shine shine designs were used to decorate the place. #sad

The door spread it arms as though I was a visitor being expected, safe for a couple in a corner Royals was empty. So I climbed the stairs two at a time and it was as if everyone in Ilorin has decided to turn up at Royals instead of shoprite. #justkidding

There were more people upstairs because Royals only have four seats and two tables downstairs, the smell of fried chicken assaults my nose as I dragged a chair noisily, now my mouth is watering.

Normally, I would have sat and twist my fingers or play rapid roll on my small Nokia phone to make me feel less nervous, but I am not that girl anymore, I began to study each and every one of them instead.

There were about 20 people, two or more people to a round table. Save for one girl who is treating herself to a fat chicken lap, ice cream and something else that I couldn’t see. I love that girl

There is a guy that wore a white Dashiki with white trouser, red embroidery and beads adorning his neck. He is dressed like a Prince from “God knows which” Kingdom, he says sweet nothing to the lady in front of him from time to time getting shy giggles in the process #mtcheew

Then on the left are two young ladies, they should be in their mid twenties or early or late. I can’t tell which, their age has been overshadowed by the huge smear of makeup they have got on their faces. One of the ladies won’t stop screaming into her phone that she is at “Woyals”. Independent women they are because I am seriously hoping it is not one Kadiri or Samueli that gave one of them money to come and enjoy new year in “Woyals”. She did it again, she just mentioned “woyals” again.

A wonderful father brought his four kids to come and eat meatpie and lick ice cream, I imagined he had a fight with their mother and brought the kids there as a punishment for her, then the kids would get home eating popcorn loudly while they talk about the meatpie and ice cream they licked or their mother doesn’t want to go out or she is in purdah or she is sick or she traveled or he is a single father, either way imaginary kudos to him.

And another mum brought her two boys to also eat meatpie and ice cream! Why am I suspecting the woman and the man who came earlier are related?

Chilling with bae

Lovers came in and went out. Hmmmmm

And there was a daddy that came with his daughter but when he started cleaning her mouth and sksvkalsojdhsksksiksjs I realized she was a special kind of daughter o. And that his “daughter” sef who ever gave her fuck, sorry fork and knife to eat her fried rice and big chicken is an enemy she thought she had burnt by fire in the previous year. Aunty had a tough time cutting the meat and I kept looking at her from the corners of my eyes, then aunty got fed up and stylishly used her bag to cover the place, then she began to ibile the thing, she scattered the hapless beautifully fried chicken with her well manicured hands and did good justice with her lipstick stained, wait she wasn’t wearing a lipstick was she? She did good justice with her erh beautiful mouth. And that man is a good daddy, he ate meatpie like the kids that came earlier. He would eat ice-cream later. I am sure of that.

I finished with what I was doing at Royals and saw this as I was leaving.

Only God knows the spirit that pushed me through the stadium, that was how I came in contact with another world entirely, the jolly papa world. I saw men, grandpas and daddy having a jolly good time inside the shanty beer parlor set up. Most of them have this Islamic outfit on. Hmmm some are those Babas that spread legs and give orders and claim the Olori ebi title. I kuku don’t blame the jolly papas.

It is new year and they have to spend it like “woyals”.


About Kanzah

I am not cute or built to suit a fashion model size, but when i start to tell them, they think am telling lies, i say, it is in the reach of my arms, the span of my hips. I am a woman phenomenally, phenomenal woman,that's me - Maya Angelou.

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