If you have never packed your clothes in anger from the corner you left it the very day you gave it your tailor then you are not a Nigerian.

The Nigerian tailor is more talented in the art of disappointment than sewing, oftentimes they have singlehandedly succeeded in turning some joyous occasion into an avenue of sorrow.

Go to them with fabrics you want to turn into beautiful dresses and they would end up frustrating you, if the fabric is expensive the pain is worse, your eyes will nearly bulge out of their sockets as you see the wonder the Nigerian tailor has performed on your clothes.

They have these distinct ways of disappointing their customers.

– They will not sew your fabric at all, they won’t even remove it from the nylon or the bag you brought it with or they remove the nylon and use it for another customer and thereafter toss yours on top of the other fabrics waiting for the day the tailor will remember them.

– They will cut the fabrics but they won’t sew it, you will get to your tailor’s shop with high expectations and see pieces and cut outs you can’t understand then they would go on a lecture spree telling you they are about to start “joining the darts with the seams” utter nonsenses you can’t even bring yourself to understand no matter how hard you try, you end up with a searing headache and a dilemma, you can’t vex and carry your fabric sorry cut outs from their shop because another tailor would never understand the cut outs even if they see the style it was meant for since it wasn’t cut in their presence!

– They forget : “ah aunty I swear that day you give me I put it there but my daughter now pushed it to the back of the one chair so I… Aunty don’t be angry please” some would totally ignore you and expect you to understand they have lots of customers to cater to. Your tears won’t move them as they would expect you to come back later for it if you need your cloth, they don’t care if the event is in few hours they will sew it when they have time.

– They sew something else for you: your cloth will have a long-sleeved butterfly hand if you specifically told them you want it strapless, then they go on to argue with you when you complain “aunty if I sew that starapulest it won’t fit you” “but that is what I want” you will rave and they will look on amused and wondering whether you don’t know they are doing you a favour by giving you long-sleeved butterfly hand instead of the one you requested for. Some would sew nonsense for you just because they don’t understand the intricate patterns of the style but they won’t tell you even as you asked repeatedly ” hope you can sew it”? before handing over your fabric. They will blame the nonsense on the machine and the needle and the thread but not them ” the material is a shaking material that’s why” “the thread was just cutting and cutting” “the needle was breaking because your material is hard”.

– Their babies or an apprentice will pour pepper or draw patterns on your white fabrics mistakenly “please no vex if you use Jik and Hypo, e go remove one time, nah your pikin now”.

I give it to Nigerian Tailors, they need to be begged and revered before you submit your fabrics to them if you really need it, you have to continuously check up on them and remind them you need the cloth on so so date, you have to lie you need it on the 5th when you need it on the 25th to avoid exchange of saliva and save your tears. Nigerian Tailors are demi-gods that need to be appealed to, many brides have canceled their weddings because of the Nigerian Tailor brouhaha, some would try to manage the cloth like that and end up looking anyhow on their big day, some of you are still wondering why some brides cry on their wedding day, it is because their Tailors have shoved some hot pepper in form of disappointment into their faces. So stop thinking those tears have to do with a cultural thing, the Tailor is the causer. And the funny thing is, you can’t get pissed and change your Tailor, the other one you contact may be worse than the one who did you the wayo, so do you have a choice?

If everyone start vexing and learn how to sew on their own, Nigerian Tailors are done for, and it is not like they are not good in sewing, some would sew for you and it would look like a ready made, they are the ones called the Nigerian-London Tailors. You will think they are truly trained in London with the way they will sew your cloth and neatly tack what needs to be tacked… but they will still disappoint you one day, they have use it to do them!

Salute to every Nigerian that has been disappointed by their Tailors countless times, ours is the kingdom of the Lord.


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