Who haf heard? They said somebody told some people that somebody was hiding money in one room and parlour flat and suddenly it was all over the Internet. The sum of 13 billion Naira was recovered at Ikoyi on the 12th of April 2017 *claps hands* so that huge amount of money is in this Nigeria? #faints, the whistle-blower thing is a good scheme after all.

In case you don’t know who a whistle-blower is, a whistle-blower is someone who divulges information about the nefarious activities of some malicious set of people, in this our Nigeria it simply means the wakapass who saw one very rich Oga or Madam burying money in a cemetery, the banker who had to cope with different accounts containing huge amounts of money without signature abi what do this financial people call it? the house girl from Togo, the gateman, the P.A with only two pairs of trousers that follows Oga or Madam up and down and knows the amount of air Madam and Oga breaths in, in a day. In short whistle-blowers are simply people who do aproko and get rewarded for it. *dialing Aproko Madame’s Number*

The whistle-blower policy was put in place by the ministry of finance to take back the money that is siphoned by some greedy set of people. Kudos to whoever came up with that idea, it was launched not quite long ago and we are already seeing things that can chase saliva away from the mouth for a month, the gasps when huge amount of money is shown on the TV screen is enough to turn somebody’s mouth into a desert, you start wondering how a human being living in Nigeria can possess that huge amount of money…IN THIS RECESSION PERIOD!

No week goes by without one or two people blowing a whistle, some have blown and blown their whistle that it no longer brings out sound again does this mean Nigeria is so blessed financially and our leaders are too “shy” to tell us ni? Abi how can someone explain the dollars and pounds stashed away in “secret banks”.

I read it in the papers when whistle-blowing began that some affluent people began to increase their menial workers salaries and even became more jovial and kinder towards them, however It seems all those manipulative moves yielded no good results with what has been happening in recent times, but who wouldn’t overlook the increment in salary by 20-30k for the 5 or 10% that would be gotten from monies whistles has been blown on, imagine the 10% of 300million dollars… That is cool cash without doing anything illegal.

Whistle-blowers have really humbled politicians, gone are the days when politicians walk on the street with skyscraper shoulder pads and sack of beans belly, strutting like overfed ducks as they throw their weight and wads of Naira to street urchins and people who sing their praises.

I was also informed that the courtesans that see to the needs of the high and mighty in the society has seen a decline in request for their services, it was said that the high and mighty who have some rotten fish in their cabinet have disassociated themselves from the people that dole out pleasure in exchange for money, they were alleged to have said they would not allow five minutes of pleasure to destroy what they have been piling for 19kpirigidim.

It was also whispered some weeks back that some bank staff were marched into their GMs office and made to swear with juju that they will never blow anyone’s whistle! What is the fuss about this whistle sef? Is it not just whistle? 20 Naira whistle?

Now let’s be serious, as innovative and successful this policy has been in the fight against corruption, I still have my reservation towards the whole thing. And I have some questions that I yearn to ask whoever is in charge of the whole charade

– Why does the identity of people fingered in some whistle-blowing operation hard nuts for EFCC officials to crack?
– How safe are the monies recovered so far?
– Why are the people disgraced in the early whistle-blowing operation not in jail yet?
– How true are the amounts declared by EFCC officials?

It would be a total waste of our time and saliva if all the money recovered through whistle-blowing goes with the wind. It is shady enough that the ownership of such monies get kicked back and forth like a deflated soccer ball which would always go off in the wrong direction.

Trust Nigerians to find humour in everything, people of Twitter have entertained us with their humourous memes, over to those who would make business out of this whole thing, I am patiently waiting for The Whistle-blower part 1&2, Whistle-blower song, Whistle-blower tops, Whistle-blower bread and Whistle-blower themed pre-wedding photo shoot.

Jokes apart, I have been in deep thought since I saw the money recovered from Ikoyi apartment, isn’t going to school a total waste of time? I am contemplating dumping my project and dropping out to blow whistle on somebody but the only snag is I don’t know any potential whistle-blowee. Am I the only one?

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