Remember I said I was going to tell you guys about my experience with an overzealous police oviza who “arrested” me for dress code last Wednesday? Well, spread a mat, grab chilled Zobo and kulikuli as I narrate my near death (excuse my exaggeration) experience. This is a long read.

Last Wednesday, I boarded a cab from challenge, nothing warned me of the ordeal that lies in front of me, but I should have known my spirit was telling me something when the car I board spent almost an hour loading passengers

“P.S campus Oke-Odo one, P.S campus Oke-Odo , psst psst Sho n lo ni? You are going? PyesS PyesS one more one more”

It took the harsh words of one Mummy inside the car before the driver agreed to start the car when it was obvious no one was joining us again. And so we went, music was tuned to the loudest and I was almost falling asleep until I felt the car stop in front of the school gate, since it was getting dark already I readjusted myself in preparation for a twenty minutes sleep, then I heard

“You, oya come down”

one of my leg was in dreamland already while the other was stuck in Wokeland, so I could still hear bits of what was going on around me. As I struggled to free the second leg so I can carry my sleep loju pali the aunty beside me nudged me

Aunty: E His talking to you
Me: Huhn?
Overzealous Olopa: Oya con down

I trudged to where he stood as the driver cursed under his breath, “please show him your ID card and les be going o” he mumbled as he launched into another round of cursing

Overzealous Olopa: Weesh level H-are you? You haf your ID card? Goan bring it

Hian who has time to waste to be asking useless JAMB question, one mind told me it was dress code another said he wants to collect Easter sontin, I gave him my ID card and he said I should go and pay the bus driver and bring down my load. Now it is a serious sontin o, kia kia the sleep in my eyes picked race, like a thief caught in the act, I carried my sleepy self and my big bag slowly to the front of the filling station opposite him, as I stood opposite him hugging my bag to my chest and his gun casually held in his left hand as he shines his torch in my face, I looked like an armed robber being paraded on NTA news.

Holding my bag like…

That was how the looking game began, I peered into every bus and wish someone would also come down to join me, one, two, three, four…the fifth car contained my partner in crime and she was asked to come down too, this aunty was wearing very tight three quarter and sleeveless jacket but do I blame her? When heat wants to roast somebody like Suya nko? I was happy where I stood because at least my own is not bad now? Or so I thought, besides I don’t even know what I did. The girl fueled the Olopa’s ego by begging as I jumped from Stella to Luvvieto Googling random things to anything and everything, the girl came to stand beside me

Girl: Was it dress code?
Me: I don’t know, I didn’t ask

The overzealous Olopa saw that we were having a conversation and yapped

” sitting down cannot epp you, go inside school and change and come back for your ID card”

I felt my head expanding as he said this, the girl beside me sighed and began to swear for him

Girl: Useless man, he knows my boyfriend o, is it because he is not here to give him money?
(my Aproko sensors picked signal fast fast)
Me: Ah aunty, your boyfriend used to bribe him? Tell him you know him nah
Girl: He is pretending, he won’t talk to me
Me: (Aside) Why won’t he pretend, e-diot when you were busy begging him

In a typical Ilorin troublemaker fashion, I removed my shoes and took a sit on the floor of the petrol station as I began to shake my thighs wondering what manner of namsense would make me go back into school, change into an “appropriate” outfit and then come back to report to him at the gate and then go back inside school! Meaning 50 naira to, 50 naira back, 50 naira to! what should have cost me 120 will now amount to 270? Eez like he doesn’t know Nigeria is in recession, I readjusted my self on the floor and rested my weight on the left bumbum for the right one was aching already, as I was about to fill the other girl in on what my plan was which is sitting with the policeman and keeping him company till daybreak and then marching to the VC’s office to go and report how he endangered our lives by making us stay out of school all night (if they will allow us see him). The E-diot dusted her yansh and said “bye bye, me I am going to wear Jalabia”. What a Judas!

Toh, she went inside school and I decided to use my number three, I kukuma called them at home that I have been “arrested” o, and they should come and carry me, my ever dramatic Mum was insulting me instead of alleviating my problem, Nigerian mothers. Anyways, the policeman started to use side eyes to look at me, when I was done with the original calls, I began the fake one

“Yes daddy, I am sitting all alone and it is so dark, please send them to come and pick me what? I don’t know o, yes VC, okay okay, you will come too? That’s good. I am the only one, yeah I don’t know what I did o? Okay daddy, okay sir. Bye”

Overzealous Olopa: Hey you, come over here. I have been watching you since I said you should come down from the bus, you are proud and you don’t need it, you know you are a woman? Blah blah blah.

I wanted to challenge him and ask what he meant by “you know you are a woman” part but then, I remembered he has a a gun, the reason I couldn’t make mouth since, the reason I couldn’t bring myself to also ask what I did wrong lest I hear Puah! Puah!! Puah!!! Because Nigerian police have bullets in their guns when you least expect it and they are always trigger happy, helpless Nigerian citizens like the APO five “may their soul rest in peace” suffer for it, I refused to take my chances and waste the money gotten from selling Pepper and Locust beans, nah only this year e remain. I cannot come and become hashtag the next day #JusticeforUniloringirl

Overzealous Olopa: Where you are from?
Me: Ilorin
Overzealous Olopa: Where?
Me: Oja-oba
Overzealous Olopa: Take your ID card, I don’t need it for anything, my salary is not affected if I keep it but change your attitude, I have been watching you, you have proud.

I collected my ID and catwalked to the other side without a thank you and no matter how I tried, I just couldn’t read his name on his uniform. And for what seemed like an eternity I stood in front of Unilorin zoo alone, and I wished I was in a country with a good legal system, I would sue him and the school. He definitely has no right to endanger my life all in the bid to enforce school rules but then I remembered I am obviously obsessed with legal drama series and I am not in New York and my family do not have a lawyer that works at Pearson-Specter-Litt.

Gbin, Gbin my uncle arrived as Judas returned breathless form the school decked in one shapeless Jalabia,

“He let you go? You did not change?” She asked as she struggled to catch her breath
“No, I didn’t” and I gave her a malicious look that would have been perfect if only there was light!

Now I have some questions for you all guys and I want you all to be neutral
– Is the policeman right to stop us from going into school?
– Was he right for delaying us for almost an hour?
– Was he right for asking us to go all the way into school, and back, and school just for us to show him we changed?
– Is he in any position to stop students that flout dress code rules since he is not part of the security men assigned to enforce that rule?
– Is it okay to pick out people that flouted the dress code rule at night?
– Is my outfit bad?

What I wore

I await your honest contributions.


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