Unmute Yourself: Speak, Take Up Space and Disrupt

If there’s one thing working in a corporate organization has taught me, it’s that the nice ones finish last! Just like the Kenyan politician proclaimed, good girls don’t get the corner office. I’ve also discovered that being easygoing can only take you so far.

Hear me out—I’m not advocating for anyone to be badly behaved. I even wrote about how introverted, easygoing people can have it worse, depending on how people-facing their role is. Check out my Medium Post about that.

But if we’re talking about these issues, what about the root of what led us here in the first place?

For me, as a multicultural but Yoruba-raised woman, I would say Omoluabi is a contributor. Omoluabi is a Yoruba cultural concept that emphasizes morality, good behavior, and proper social conduct. It leans into etiquette and ethics, guiding the way of life for a well-raised child. Now, this aspect of our culture is brilliant, but in some ways, it has also stifled the voices of many people.

First, as children, we were inundated with stories of the calm and patient person winning the coveted prize, while the impatient one ended up with egg on their face—disgraced or, in extreme cases, dead. While these stories served as cautionary tales, they also discourage kids from pursuing goals with drive and focus. The belief that everything comes to those who wait was often taught without the pivotal addition, those who wait and are self-improving.

I remember how vivacious I was as a child, yet I was often told, O ti be ju (you’re too forward) whenever I expressed myself. I can’t speak for my parents, but I knew that a major part of my childhood was spent being quiet, shy, and, at times, perceived as weak. Yet, the same me would boogie down at a dancing competition, konko below until I won the precious prize of exercise books and pencils—or burst into tears when I was disqualified because my konko wasn’t low enough. My parents preferred the quieter version of me over my occasionally brazen self, so that part of me started to wither.

Nollywood didn’t help matters. Imagine watching a movie where a child accuses an elderly woman of stealing her bucket and gets turned into a goat? Or the one where someone acts foolishly, you challenge them, and next thing you know, they’re dancing Ozeba Ozeba on your head at 3 a.m.? Hollywood wasn’t any better. Most of the teen musicals and shows I watched glorified the quiet, laid-back girls and boys as the best, while the audacious and extroverted ones were portrayed as desperate and not as good. The movie always ended with the quiet one winning at something the go-getter had put in effort and time to achieve. Talk about injustice, because noh be so e be for real world o!

In a world where beating your own drum loudly—hello, LinkedIn—serves you well, it’s unfortunate that we were taught the opposite in the name of humility. So we shrink ourselves. When asked if we can do something, we smile politely and say, I can try instead of a confident Yes! When we’re complimented, we smile modestly and say, Nah God o instead of basking in the joy of being damn good at whatever the praise was for.

Today, these issues have names—low self-esteem, lack of confidence, poor public speaking skills. How could we not struggle with these when every ounce of self-expression was beaten and pressed out of us through whips and back-breaking punishments?

Not everytime demure, mindful. Sometimes dagboruuuu – Kaothar ™

I was a rebellious child at some point, without even intending to be. But it never translated to school, because they had already beaten it out of me before I could carry it there. Yet, one of my teachers still had a problem with me, claiming I had a stubborn face. She even invited my mother for a discussion about my supposed bad behavior and suggested she cut off my hair, insisting that my large mass of hair was affecting me and making me act in ways she couldn’t describe. Of course, I was grateful to my mother for the tongue-lashing she gave that ridiculous woman, but I shudder to think of how much further I would have shrunk into myself if my mother had actually listened and shaved my hair off.

Really, should humiliation be the way to correct a child?

We have adults who are emotionally stunted and function abysmally because their essence was smothered by the very people who should have nurtured it. It’s unfair and sad that speaking up and sharing your opinions as a child was often deemed rude and offensive.

Do you know how that translates as that person grows older? They second-guess their opinions and are often afraid of being rabble-rousers. They bite their tongue and let things slide so that peace can reign. They walk away from situations where they should have stood firm and clearly set their boundaries. And it happens over and over again—until they finally learn to say, Enough!

So, my word for you this week, if anything, is this: Suffer no fools and walk into spaces like you belong there. Say what’s on your mind without second-guessing yourself. Many people confidently yap nonsense day in and day out without caring whether they’re misinforming others. We’ve seen Nigerian statesmen clap loudly for the president after he mumbled some incoherent statement at a public function—now imagine you, doubting whether your words make sense.

Darling, disrupt todayyyyyyyyyy!