MY LANDLORD JUST INCREASED MY HOUSE RENT  I AM ABOUT TO CRASH OUT!

Lagos wants to kill me before my time, but my spirit is bullish and I am not gonna let capitalism win! Today was planned to be a fun day for me and my friends. To celebrate the victory of escaping house hunting stress (nah real victory because housing in Lagos nah tug of war). I am hosting a housewarming party, which was meant to happen the first few months in my new place. Still, it’s coming a year and one month after moving into my apartment due to this and that. I wrote about the stress of house hunting and the many sheges I experienced while looking for where to put my loads. So it is ironic that on the morning of the said day, I would be receiving a message from my landlord telling me yarns about the rent increment.

Honestly, I was hoping it was going to be a random yarn about a leakage we have been telling him about. Instead, he hit me with the yiunyiunyiun and something about me taking note and putting it in my projection, blah blah. Then he ended it with a sparse prayer about “reaping bountifully” from our various activities. HOW CAN I REAP BOUNTIFULLY WHEN YOU WANT TO TAKE IT ALL? HOW? SEE MY HARVEST, SEE THE FAT TUBERS YOU ARE CARRYING, SEE WHAT IS LEFT!!! Amoniseni. You look me finish expecting me to pay you that amount and you will collect it from me if I give you? Whatever made you think the initial rent was affordable?! Do I drive a car? Am I wearing designers? Is it the smell of chicken? Because the chicken smell is from my neighbour downstairs and I have been eating panla back to back since May! Because it is probably the smell of chicken that gave my landlord the impression we are boxed up, what is all this OMG OMG OMG!

Where will I start from? Considering I have come to the scary realization my salary is no longer sufficient for my lifestyle and what is even the lifestyle? The basics! Food, transportation! I barely have enough left for the gym I have had to quit the gym! I have had to cut back on a whole lot. I can no longer splurge on cute dresses, shoes, and bags as I used to. BAT you do this one! So now it is to either choose feeding and having a meagre amount left for buses OR I starve and have enough for transport and whatever money-stealing demon that drains my account because I can swear that amounts usually left in my account disappear with expenses I can hardly explain. Money now feels like if I don’t tie it down with something or sort myself out, it will just fly. I AM TIRED. I AM EVEN MORE TIRED OF COMPLAINING.

Is this the way I am to live and then become a gajillionaire? What is this stress and struggle? It is even incomprehensible to think of downsizing because what I would be getting for less is going to be at least one million, and it would not only be expensive but mostly inconducive. A survey and research of current housing rates online and offline made me realize that the average price for self-contained units in Lagos central areas goes for 1m and above, while mini flats are 2m and above. I AM NOT EVEN JOKING, GUYYS. I SWEAR I WISH I WAS. THE ACTUAL WHAT?!

I didn’t sign up for this. For a house in a regular neigbourhood that I have to pay this much for. That I have to manage it not hitting all my checklists for an apartment because I don too suffer house hunting. For a house surrounded by multiple churches that has made Sundays a hellish day for me. That I have cried in frustration from their Friday vigils that have my head pounding and sometimes waking up in fright due to the sudden sound of drumming. For a house that has a recycling factory nearby and fumes and smells of burnt plastics and chemicals waft through my windows, I often have to choose between a ventilated apartment or ending up with respiratory issues (I am super sensitive and allergic to fumes).

I cannot even vex and move out just like that because just a few days ago, I was watching a video where a gym influencer was crying as her belongings were hastily packed out because she was told her house was marked for demolition as she was bathing. Housing is scarce in Lagos, and everyone knows it, and this is well exploited. Quality housing is even a rarity. Lagos? They would use “floor is tiled and there is W/C installed” as selling points, as if the house is expected to function without those.

I AM REALLY FRUSTRATED!

I have been working towards earning more, but the high cost of rent and housing issue has fueled the hunger even more. I am really hoping to out-earn this stress, this financial strain, this crushing weight of expectations that I have not even met.

Because at this point it is looking like the only way I would be able to afford to renew my rent is by carrying gun.