It is tough resting in your femininity and being a soft babe in Lagos if you do not have a car. You will be forced to act like a senior man. Even as a man, when you jump bus, a chaos is always lurking by the corner that can drastically dwindle your aura, especially when your trousers have a mishap while trying to board the bus. This is why I have collated How to Jump bus in Lagos: A Short Guide to Prevent Aura Point Loss. This guide will ensure you maintain your softness even whilst yelling owa o! 

Do Not Wear White to Jump Bus. Ever!

Olololololo

That saying, “May your white never get stained,” becomes impossible when you wear white to jump bus. The reason being that rusty metals, seats, or even a leakage from somewhere you cannot pinpoint can wreck your swag and stain your white. Don’t do it.

Have Good Memory

This applies in more ways than one. So you won’t forget your change with the conductor. So you will remember when you have paid that conductor already and he is still asking you, “Owo da!” These folks will look you in the eye and argue you down that you never gave them the fare. Heaven help you if none of the passengers were concentrating when you paid.

Do Not Enter a Bus With Torn Seats

Either board a bus with wooden, smooth chairs or fully covered seats. Anything in between will run the fabric of your clothing, and you don’t want that.

No Heels

This is self explanatory.

Do Not Ever Struggle for Bus

It ends in horrible scenarios. If you do not lose your valuables, you may get groped as a lady. You may end up tearing your outfit or, worse, end up on someone’s Day in Lagos TikTok vlog.

Do Not Jump Down From a Moving Bus

Let the conductor yell and the driver threaten to drive off, but no matter what, do not jump from a moving bus. Aside from the fact that it reduces your aura points to 1, it also puts you at serious risk. Come on. It only takes a few minutes. LET THEM WAIT.

Don’t Engage in Chitchat Unless You Have Something to Sell

Do not give in to random “Uncle or Aunty, do you…” It is either someone looking for who to scam or someone who does not have their fare. And not having fare is not that serious in Lagos, you may only end up getting insulted by the conductor or, at worst, receive small brushing to your face, but you won’t die.

Of course, there might be exceptions with children. I will always pay for a kid. But a total stranger who just wants to gist with you for no reason? Cut it. Next thing, they will be asking you to come and share dollars with them somewhere.

Have a Face Mask/Hand Sanitizer in Your Bag!

Guys, I have perceived smells I never knew existed. A putrid combination of human sweat and animal faeces. It was horrible. Even the breeze did nothing to stop my stomach from churning. WEAR A FACE MASK. Spritz some sanitizer in your hands the moment you are released from that yellow prison!

Ignore the Bus Preacher Like Everybody Else

Do not tell them to shut the heck up as they bleat and scream about eternal damnation for anyone not accepting their faith. Let them bleat. Zone out or remind yourself it will soon be over as you ignore the pounding headache in your head. I promise you, when you engage them in arguments about how it makes no sense to disturb people’s peace that early in the morning, a bystander observing from far away will only see two mad people bickering at each other inside the bus.

Bus to Obalende, Uber to the Island Location

Girl Math!

The OGs know this is a fail safe way to beat fare surges and save your money. A light perfume touch up, feet and hands moisturized, and you are brand new, not smelling like you just sat beside someone carrying live chickens in a basket.

Am I missing any? You can add yours below. Also, 2026 is the year I want my Danfo Diaries entries to come to an end. I am tiyad!

Selah!