Last Thursday, the job I intended to quit in 6 months sent me a mail congratulating me on my second-year anniversary with them. I journaled on Thursday as usual before going about my merry day. One meeting. One mail. Some correspondences. And that was the end of the work day.

I tried to find one deep meaning or message or something out of the ordinary that would form part of the post for today, but nothing. I ended up talking about the dead ex-president till evening with one of my friends and setting goals and plans for the rest of the year. Then we sat on my kitchen floor and ate Afang soup straight from the pot.

However, I realized there were still lessons to be learnt from the past 12 months since I wrote the last workiversary post.

First, I want to say, THIS IS THE LONGEST I HAVE EVER BEEN AT A JOB! WHAT? I usually spend 6 months or barely a year and I dip. This is mostly due to the fact that somehow, I might have been led to believe the faster you bounce around, the more you get better opportunities. Honestly, in present-day Nigeria and with the payment structures of certain industries, it is best you bounce!

Last year, I wrote my workiversary post on the back of a series of restructuring and simmering drama in my workplace. This year, quite a lot has changed. But work drama will always remain the same.

This morning, one conversation led to another. I told my colleague Joseph, whom I am quite fond of, to explain what office politics is, if it’s not just pure abosi. He asked what abosi is, since Yoruba is not his first language. I told him there is no direct English explanation or word for it, but I tried to break it down for him as much as I could.

I told him abosi goes beyond gossiping about someone behind their back. It is not the gossip itself, but the many folds and layers it entails. It could reference cheating someone out of an opportunity or taking what belongs to another who might be weaker. In many preachings by Ilorin Imams, they often use abosi to describe an usurper or someone who cheats another out of an opportunity or takes advantage due to an imbalance in power structure.

Take, for example, an orphan whose guardian takes over the property he got from his parents. I have listened to preachings where those preachers termed it as abosi.

E.g. “o se abosi fun omo orukan.” “He has slighted an orphan” is the rough meaning. But you get the picture.

He took a pause before citing an example for me. He said, take for example a position for a senior role is vacant in the company, and Benedict goes to meet Kolinz, another superior, behind the current head of that position’s back to lobby for the job.

I said, okay, that is still somehow abosi. He shook his head no. He added, “okay when the MD alights from her car and you rush to collect her handbag from her and help her carry it to the office that is office politics.’’

I didn’t budge. It was still abosi to me. It is not something I cannot do though. But I would overthink it too much and feel awkward and imagine several scenarios of me trying to smoothen my skirt or adjust my shirt and ending up looking like I’m dipping my hands in her bag.

His smile says he knows I am a noob that has still not gotten a hang of the mental wrestling called office politics. I pushed it.

“But you and I know that it can be somehow to do that kind of famzing now.’’

He nodded affirmatively before adding, ‘’But does it matter? If what you do it for is just to get your way and advance?’’

This got me thinking about all the office politics elections I have lost. Due to me having my head stuck in the ground like an ostrich.

Quite frankly, it made me question myself all over again, about whether my personality can survive in a cold-blooded work environment, or if I am the one refusing to lean into my key strengths and play the game as well.

My default, when a superior steps out of her car carrying her handbag, wouldn’t be to collect the bag. It would be to greet her respectfully and ensure I’m not in her path. If I scurry to actually collect her bag from her, the voices in my head would erupt in laughter and make fun of me at the insincerity of it all.

In fact, I have seen one too many political aides play that boy-boy role so well, and they are still stuck in aide positions for decades. So, what gives? Or the political games there is different? Is famz not famz?

See, I understand the value of being liked by your boss and superiors, but there should also be a respect that is mutual. That respect should come from you fulfilling your responsibilities and what is expected of you. Not playing subtle manipulation and mind games. Or is that office politics too?

Because from my understanding, sneaky, snivelling, conniving, and rubbing-up-to antics are just office politics.

So I can say, office politics, as a person, would be someone with dirt and grime up their ass that’s left unwashed for several days, but they wear the best clothes with the most expensive perfume.

There is no way you would see someone like that and not think of them as something, based on presentation. In fact, they may easily win beauty pageants or best-dressed contests because NOBODY KNOWS THEY ARE GOING AROUND WITH DOODOO-STAINED UNDERWEAR.

Is that it, my fellow aspiring politicians? Please confirm in the comments.

I also just came to the realization that the post I wrote months ago about the guy that has his tongue high up a superior’s ass, the one I was scared would eventually contract E.coli, is actually him just playing the game too!

And it is nothing bad. Because all is termed office politics.

Another realization for me in this second year is that I am due for a personality reset. After successfully severing myself from my default reserved nature, I have now decided to veer into another terrain.

The new personality I am launching is not for this blog readers to know. But I know Victoria Michael will ask me in the comments what it is. In case you want more information buy me a Toyota Camry 2024 XLE.

Hint, just think of it as my Trojan horse.

Stay woke.

After all, office politics is not far removed from fighting a war.

If you read the workiversary last year, thank you. I appreciate you. I hope next year I would be writing you from better and saner climes. Till then. Xoxoxo