What does it even mean to be 30?

Hmmm, I keep wondering. Will I suddenly sprout a few inches of grey hair in the middle of the night? Will my eyes start getting heavy by 9? Or will I be fortunate enough to be wiser and limit my wanton delight for doing random silly things (never ever ever though).

But on a more serious note, what would it feel like? I have asked my friend Philo who turned 30 nine days earlier and she said well, it felt good and she was happy on her birthday. The thing with that answer is, my friend is deeply reflective and is one of those folks who are prone to a depressive episode on their birthdays, but this year it was different and we had a blast during her birthday dinner. Omg. Anyway, she said 30 came with happiness. I hope it would be so with mine, but I am still curious about what 30 entails since I am writing this as a 29-year-old — maybe I would share what it means to be 29.

29? WOW. My 29th started on an unassuming note, in the sense that it felt like every other birthday because I looked forward to it with the same feverish excitement of turning a new age. But the beauty of 29 was the fact that I received far more than the amount of love I expected on that day. The first was my HOD at the time announcing during a management presentation that it was my birthday, and me awkwardly trying to maintain what I felt was a polite expression as I watched the entire management sing Happy Birthday to me. The celebration was different. My department gifted me really lovely gifts. My cake was super delicious. I looked super fine. I received lots and lots of money! A WHOLE LOT OF MONEY GUYSSSS I JUST KEPT RECEIVING ALERTS UPON ALERTS HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

And the year in itself went well. Or so I would say. I learnt. I grew. I flourished.

29 also taught me to be more analytical with my process, my rules and my way of life. It showed me that just because I have things I would or wouldn’t do doesn’t mean I shouldn’t also have a structure in place to decide how to navigate it. Say for example, yes I am not going to ever eat processed sugar, but if at all I would, it would be ice cream and it would be sparingly.

Another part of being 29 is the ease of knowing. A lot of things happen or do not happen to me because I already know and this is an intense departure from the younger me who waits and pines and wonders what would change if she held on for longer. This is one of the blessings and the gift of aging that I do not take for granted. And where I have made mistakes, I am able to pay it forward by being a guide to my sister, and where I have flourished, I get to share pointers with her and watch her excel better than me in it — and the immense joy it brings me cannot be quantified in this piece I am writing. A few days ago, I wondered what I would tell my 19-about-to-turn-20-year-old self, and I knew right then and there, my 19-year-old self would be drawn to me, curious to know how I am able to hold it all together and maintain my composure. How she has been struggling with hers and getting overwhelmed from holding back her emotions but also letting it burst out at the seams at the worst possible time. And I know I would smile and tell her, in due time.

Then, I will add that a recent gift is to STFU more! Like STFU! I used to be hush about certain things like say, applying for a job or trying to buy something substantial, so that it would at least materialise first and then I could announce after, but I have also realised that even the seemingly basic things should not be divulged. Not every random Asabi needs to know the number of siblings I have or what I had for breakfast. There really isn’t any reason to volunteer random information to fill a space or situation. Existing in measured silence is okay, and if one must talk, the state of the country is enough to fill up the awkwardness that might be felt with certain kinds of silence. So, again, I intend to STFU more!

So, as I ease into the pearly era of my 30s, I leave you with the following wisdom:

• Live. I always make sure to take out time and money to enjoy myself no matter what!
• Invest in your body and your mind: I notice quite a number of people tend to prioritise savings and investment in a series of things while neglecting their body and their mind. No amount of money spent on yourself is a waste! It will always always manifest when you least expect it — take a small amount out of what you set aside to save monthly and indulge yourself in a spa session, a new book, a course or clothing.
• Many people have already decided what to do with you; their rejection or acceptance does not have anything to do with you. I also smile warmly at people while deciding in that moment that they can never ever be my friend or that they would never see me again. Again, do not beat yourself up over choices made by other people.
• Everything will always work out, and when it doesn’t, it is also working out. We tend to bury our heads in places we expect answers from, when most of the time the answer might be in a giant box in a place we keep overlooking.
• Death should always be a motivation to be more intentional about living. Yes, it sounds paradoxical, but it helps. Being mindful about death helps you live better. You remember you are here for a fixed number of years before you cease to exist. What would you want to experience in this marvellous expanse that God has created? What pleasure would you like to explore? What lives would you like to enrich? What quota do you intend to contribute? What legacy would you like to leave?

So, my lovelies, till we do this again some other year. Signing out officially as aunty K.